warm weather woes

Weather: 74 and sunny
Time: 11:00- 3:00 on a Sunday
Problem: It's 74 degrees on a Sunday afternoon in March

What the hell am I talking about? Here's the deal. For some unexplained reason whenever it's warm out and feels like summer in the springtime people tend to get OUT OF CONTROL. Whether it was the lake front, the grocery store or my neighborhood, everywhere we went today we were surrounded by too many people. Because of it and because of the fact that I can't continue on with my evening unless I make some sense of this, here's my list of the top ten most annoying things that surface when the weather starts to gets warm.

1. Public displays of affection. I don't like seeing anyone make out in public, it's gross and it's weird.

2. Lack of clothing. People dressing like it's 112 degrees in August when it's only 74 in March. It's warm, not hot.

3. Nudity.

4. Open car windows. I don't have any desire to hear someone else's music especially when it sucks. and especially when the punk behind the wheel is just that... a punk-ass kid.

5. Droves of people. For some reason, the warm weather is a magnet for anyone who either
a) hasn't been out of their house all winter long or
b) has never been to a grocery store, to actually attempt to shop. WHAT THE FUCK. It's like people think 'oh, it's nice out so I must go get some food'...

6. Kids. Warm weather gives kids and teens a license to raise their voices 10 decimal's higher than they usually would, yell uncontrollably, scream as if someones murdering them, carry on conversations as if everyone was hard of hearing and take up space where they don't belong. They are annoying and obnoxious.

7. Sunburns. It's warm out, the sun is hot, you are as white as a ghost because you haven't seen the light of day in three solid months and you think you can lay out for five hours and not get burned??!! Come on now, you look silly.

8. Air conditioners. I hate them all the time anyway but when I hear an air conditioner being put on as soon as the temp hits 70, somethings wrong.

9. Bad Smells. It has to do with open windows and personal hygiene...

10. Strangeness. I don't understand it but the warm weather brings out everyone and everything, and that's cool I guess- but I'm just saying...

Tonight we head out to watch the finale of The L Word. Should be an interesting crowd, it's still 73 degrees outside.

pause and effect

The pause button has been hit, my life pause button. Without going into the details, I was just wondering how people deal with the waiting game; as I sit here and deal with mine. (laptop and beer)

I tend to usuallywant to either do things, like the dishes, cooking, physically move around or just the opposite and sit completely still with it. I did a little of both today. I happen to take the day off from work so I was able to do my waiting at home. It helps to have the comforts of home around when one waits, like your own bathroom, TV, food and beverage accessibility and the freedom to move around . I don't like feeling confined when I have to wait, that makes everything feel worse. I also prefer to wait alone... I think, I hate carrying on conversations, making small talk, playing board games or changing the subject just for the sake of changing the mood. I've waited in jury duty many times and that just sucks big time. I've waiting, as has everyone, in lines many times but as long as the line moves rapidly the angst of waiting doesn't set in too much. I've waited in hospitals: for a diagnosis, a release, a nurse, time to pass and all of that totally sucks- all of it, without a doubt. I've waited for the tide to come in which is a joy and I've waited for the snow to stop falling. We all wait for summer to arrive, our hair to grow or maybe our baby to be born, but it's the waiting within the waiting that's hard. It's waiting for the results, or the diagnosis or the decision. When I wait for something specific/immediate, I like to stand up but when I'm waiting for something that's going to take awhile (like a plane delay), I prefer to sit down with a newspaper. Right now I'm in neither.

Today, tonight, tomorrow and maybe for the rest of the week I get to wait for my life to be released from the pause state. You know when you're going along just fine with your little daily routine, making plans for your future, setting things up to go go your way, etc, etc, and then the pause button. It's not the stop button, just the pause which sometimes is harder to deal with. Anyway, while I wait to be released I'll go to work and carry on as usual, but instead of thinking ahead too far I'll sit in the moment. Even if the moment could turn into days.

So my question for the masses is how do you play the waiting game? (I obviously babble, which is very uncharacteristic of me.)

spring fling

Today is the type of day that if I was 7 I'd be dying to hear that last bell ring to be set free from the confines of the school yard. I can picture it as if it was yesterday. I would literally run home from school(it was only up the hill and round the corner); change into my "play clothes"; sit down at the kitchen table and devour a tasty snack that was set up by my mom; I would walk the dog and then immediately head outside to play. I couldn't wait to get outside and be 'one' with my yard.

Today was 70-something degrees and it felt like spring had sprung, if only to last the one day. On my run home I came across two little ones on my street: a 3 year old and a 4 yr old. They were on their front walk stumbling around as little ones do, riding their little cars and testing the boundaries with their mom -who sat a mere two steps away. I get kind of a lump in my throat (in a good way) every time I see little kids outside playing,whether they are playing with jump ropes, chalk, balls, skateboards, sticks, or anything else that looks old school or creative. I remember I didn't even need tools to amuse myself with when I was young. A good thick stick did wonders, as did dirt, bushes, the cracks in the sidewalk,the corner of my garage, any unidentified object in the grass, or simply the parameters of my back yard. Sure, I loved my pink banana seat bike,red skateboard and assortment of playground balls but my point is that it was being able to play outdoors that thrilled me, not my big wheel or hoola hoop.

I was just telling someone the other day that I remember being young and playing outside in March as if spring was well on it's way to quickly turning into summer. (geez, I sound like I'm 90) It's not so much like that anymore. Spring used to be a time for light windbreaker type jackets, new sneakers, Easter dresses (when I was two), and Saturdays filled with helping my Dad with putting the screens in the windows and my Mom with "spring cleaning". The weather from March-May was typically anywhere from 60-75 with no chance of it dipping back down to the 40's. These days we're lucky if we are able to shed the winter coat much before April and turn our heat off before May.

Spring screams youth, fresh air and crazy chalk drawings on the sidewalk. When I see a kid in my neighborhood walking around bouncing a ball, or playing hide-n- seek with their buddies it makes me happy. So does 73 degrees in march- old school, there's just nothing like it.

reality bites

Well, it's back to regularly scheduled programming. My trip to the Bahamas was not only a vacation in paradise but all I keep thinking was how much of an escape it was- an escape from reality and it's something I'm having a hard time letting go of.

It's strange to completely remove yourself from your regular routine both physically and mentally but environmentally as well. To go from 20 degrees to 80 degrees in a matter of 3 hours is a bit overwhelming for me. And to go from programmed thinking to not having to actually think at all is mind blowing to say the least. The immediacy at which I settled into being in the Bahamas was ridiculous. From the second we walked off the plane and breezed into that tropical air I was immediately transformed. It's so easy for me to adapt to beach mentality and casual island living, it's like I was living as if I was part of The Blue Lagoon in a past life or something. As soon as we dropped the bags in the room , all was well. We ditched the shoes for flip flops, I threw on my bandana and we were out the door for a cocktail on the beach. Totally different in every single way from 5 hours prior. I was in a complete dream state the whole time I was there; it felt like I was present physically, because that warmth literally paralyzed me, but at the same time I felt somewhat removed mentally. I couldn't quite settle into being present which was bugging me but I'm thinking it just may have been way too overwhelming if I did- this is the stuff I think about all the time. Is there a way for the soul to be so alive but the mind completely shut off? I don't know but mine was for sure.

When we returned home I delayed contacting my family and checking my e-mail just to delay the inevitable: life doesn't stop when you go on vacation. It turns out my Dad had fallen down 4 steps in his house and fractured his hip and elbow while I was basking in the Bahama sun. It feels like he is completely falling apart and not only can I not do anything about it but the reality of aging parents has now completely entered this stage of my life. Do I head down to Cape Cod for a weekend to help my mom out? Do I just carry on with my life while my dad struggles to hold on to his? I feel guilt, sadness, anger, frustration and empathy. It's hard to not be able to take care of your parents when they need it when that's all they did for me when I was little. All they did was take care of me and love me. It would be nice to repay, even though I know it's not necessary.

Last week at this time we were getting drunk on the beach with not a care in the world except for the fact that it was our second to last day on the Bahamas. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that back again.