"I hate you, you're thin..."

Obsession is defined as a compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion. That said, I would like to dedicate this post to my confession of being somewhat obsessed with people’s appearance or in other words with their attractiveness. I am in no way, shape or form stating that I am a better or more important person than someone else because I happen to concern myself with the way people look. Some people find me attractive, some don’t. Just like others do to you. If I wasn’t myself, I would think I was more attractive than not, but that’s not my point. Plus that sounds really arrogant, and I’m honestly not that way. I simply believe everyone looks better from the inside out when the outside is taken care of. We’re talking style here people; not In Style as in the magazine, just stylish. I’ve been accused of sounding shallow and a bit harsh in some of my writing when discussing body parts, lesbians, and looks in general- guilty as charged. I like to look at the beautiful people. I may sound shallow and I am well aware of it, but unfortunately I carry some anger around the subject, so my language may sound a little harsh at times - I’m sorry if I offend anyone. This has to do with me and my own issues. When discussing the subject, I honestly never intend to make anyone feel badly about themselves; that’s your issue – own it.

For most of my life, (excluding the baby years) I have been judged because of my size, and it's strangely, usually anything but positive. I consider myself a very average woman: 5’4”, 105lbs. Some may consider this “tiny” but -whatever. Some have called me frail, or underweight, or unhealthy and have even accused me of being on cocaine. Most people assume I am a vegetarian or just never eat- at all, which is not true and the complete opposite. People have said they “hate me” because of how I look, but most of the time think I’m just going to: a) fall in the toilet or b) fly away in the wind. What the fuck! The toilet comment was actually directed towards my partner from a woman twice her size in width and completely consumed with the size of her own colossal ass! I am so tired of people constantly commenting on how thin I am when they are obviously tormented by it because they have an issue with their own weight or body image and I'm tired of it. I get it all the time and always from women wanting to put me down (literally) because the light I’m holding is just too damn bright for them. My anger erupts when I ever dare dream about telling someone how “fat” or unhealthy they are or how huge I think their ass is when they confront me. I would totally be considered an insensitive, superficial person. How dare I comment on their weight- I would never. But please feel free to say to us thin people, in one sentence, in the same breath: “I hate you! You're sooooo thin, are you o.k.?!” Because we’re thin and don't mind the fact, it feels as though anyone can say whatever the hell they want to us, but since overweight people have “an issue” no one is allowed to mention their size at all. Ever. It doesn't seem fair. My dad always used to say, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” HELLO!!

Since I’ve been talking about lesbians lately and for some bizarre reason fascinated with everything surrounding them, I can’t help but talk about their attractiveness. Lesbos are stereotypically overweight and not overly bothered with their presentation. This is no secret. I’d like to believe this is “old school” mentality but when I attempted to break into the “community” a short time ago, unfortunately the improvised look was out, or in - loud and proud. And still is. Check out Ellen’s audience –not so pretty. It just seems to me that things need to start shifting. The "L Word" was a start, but things seem to be stuck. I’m sorry that I love looking at beautiful people and since I’m a lesbian I would like to look at other attractive lesbians. Period. If that makes me shallow than throw dirt on me-I’m down for the count. I am a very visual person and yes, it’s killing me not knowing what the hell everyone in this blogging world looks like, but if I enjoy what they have to say, what they happen to be wearing when they say it is irrelevant.

So I confess. To what I’m not sure, but I felt the need to say whatever it was I said. Superficial or not. At least I don’t wear my issues – I try to get rid of them. And again, I'm sorry if I have offended anyone out there - I can take the heat.