Reality Check

It was all going along so well, the weekend that is. I talk to my parents on the phone every Sunday morning around 10:00, but today was a little different. There are times when I just don't feel like speaking or getting out of bed but the one thing that gets me to the phone is because it is from my parents. We check in with each other, talk about the weather, make sure everyone is o.k, hang up and go on with our week. It feels good.

Today there was no answer. Usually when there's no answer they are either out in the yard or on their walk and I receive a call shortly after. Today is my dad's birthday so I wanted to be the one to call them, but again no answer. Then at about 9:55 my sister calls me and I can immediately sense somethings not right. I ask her what's going on and she replys with "dad's been in the hospital since Thursday". THURSDAY!!!, first I'm thinking and wondering why and if he's o.k., then my mind immediately goes to WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU CALL ME!!!!???. Anyway to make a long story short, my dad is o.k., he was having some heart problems and got a bit nervous so they checked him in to monitor his medication. He comes out of the hospital today, thank god.

Now before I continue I know there are a lot of you out there (just in this circle alone) that have either lost a parent, struggled with a sick parent or don't have good relationships with their parents now so I'm sorry to bring up the subject, but I trust you all can handle it. There's two things going on here for me: one is the fact that my parents are old and when something like this little scare happens, the eye opening realization that they (gulp) won't be around forever. Or worse, that one will actually die without the other. The actual act of dying seems to be completely different than the fact that they won't be around anymore... geez, this is depressing. The other thing going on for me around this is the fact that my family regulary witholds things from me. Granted I have physically seperated myself from them by moving out here to Chicago, but sometimes it feels like they are in their own little way, punishing me because of that. They said they decided not to tell me my dad was in the hospital because they didn't want me to hop on a plane and come home. At first I said "I wouldn't have, but it would be nice to at least know what's going on!" then I was thinking, well hell is it the worst thing in the world if I did fly home to visit my dad? They figured there was nothing I could do. I think that should have been up to me to decide. Once the youngest in the family, always the youngest- I guess.

4 Hours later:
Well, I just called the house to see if they were home and it's turned out that my dad is going to stay in until Tuesday now- more tests. I hate this kind of stuff, I always feel sooooo badly for not only my dad, but more so for my mom. It kills me. When things like illness or accidents or whatever happen, especially to family members something shifts within me, well it doesn't shift but it stops me dead in my tracks, as I assume it does to other people as well. Ever since I was little I could never imagine life without my parents, it's just too weird and I always thought when the day comes I'm not too sure I'll be able to handle it.

Today felt like a prelude to the future and it was a little creepy. Forever is not forever anymore. I talked to my dad a minute ago and he sounded good. He said he had to kick eveyone out of the room for some peace and quiet- and because the Red Sox were on. I asked him if they won and he said yah, but it was a nail biter- they won 5-4. Like I said, realty check in more ways than one. My dad is going to be o.k., my mom is going to be o.k., and I will be o.k. when one of them is not because when it comes right down to it life doesn't stop so neither can I. So Tonight I grill up the shrimp, tomorrow the burgers and then it's back to work on Tuesday. Next week is going to be a good week. Summer is officially here, C.Love launces her web site, she faciltates a workshop at University of Illinois, Chicago on "Pursuing your passion; unleashing the leader within" and my dad heads back to the Cape. Happy Memorial day to everyone and cheers to family.

Beachcomber

I'm waiting for a phone call from a friend of mine; a friend who I haven't seen in over .... I don't even know, maybe 12-14 years? That's a long time.

We haven't spoken within that time, but even so, she hasn't left my mind at all. Whenever I think of summertime, drinking on the beach, red wine, U2, R.E.M., The Smiths, Nantucket, The Kennedy family, Belmont, Massachusetts or sunblock I think of Cherie- and I think about those things often. I actually made her a mixed CD last Christmas as a surprise because "mixed tapes" were a huge accessory with us when we were together. Together meaning friends-nothing more so don't go there. Cherie married Bobby and they have since had three kids and have lived in Australia and London before settling in Concord, Massachusetts in her grandmothers huge, cool old farm house. I made her the mixed CD because I had hooked up with another friend of ours last Summer and she had mentioned Cherie said I would probably bring along a mixed tape and how lucky she would be to get it. Strangely enough I had a mixed CD in my car that I had just made for our trip that I handed off to my friend at the bar- it was perfect music for her ride off of Cape Cod and back into Boston.

I can't honestly say why we haven't spoken in so long. Drunken birthday greetings have been left on my machine, but I kind of lost track of her when she moved to Australia. I've never been good at long distance anything-it's too difficult. We always had a connection;we not only had the same sense of humor (which is so very important) but more importantly we connected on an energy level. She got it, I got it and sometimes that's when it's so easy to loosen the grip and become seperated. It's like even though these people aren't necessaily in your physical space they are with you energenically through everything. I've definately missed her over the years because I think we'd get along great and that's so rare. She loves to drink, loves the same music I do and knows when to go to that next level. You know or maybe you don't- it's the reading in between the lines I'm talking about, it's where the good stuff is.

Anyway, she left me a message yesterday saying that it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon, she had just picked up a 12 pack of a particular summer brew, she had just listened to my mixed CD, her kids were having a play date, Memorial Day is in a couple of days, she missed me, wanted to get together this summer and she was thinking about me in more ways than one- excellent. I called her back but no answer; again tonight, and here I wait...

Cherie and I were summer friends, we met on Cape Cod. One of the places we frequented often was a place called The Beachcomber in Welfleet, MA. In my opinion this is the best "beach bar" on the East coast. This place is truly spectacular simply because it has everything a good beach bar should have. For starters it's tricky to find unless you know your way around (meaning no tourists), it is literally located on a cliff overlooking the Atlantic ocean with sand everywhere. the beer is cheap, the food is fried, picnic tables are plenty, music is cool, bands are cool, dance floor big enough, and it's located on Cape Cod Massachusetts. You just can't get any better.

I'm pretty sure I'll hook up with her this summer, I'm not sure how or where but I do know drinking will be involved, along with a new mixed CD. It puts me in a good mood to think about hanging out with her, but I wonder why people that feel so normal to be around aren't always in our lives at all times? We meet so few, at least I do.

Well, cheers to the official start of summer this weekend, good friends, good music, cool places to hang out, summer brews, sand... and getting it.

Where did it go?

I hope I get it back soon. Cus this sucks...

Little black dress...

Little black dress or athletic pants. That subject came up today when my friend was trying to describe a hot women he just saw. At first he said: "she was blond... and (moan sound) just hot (smokin hot)". Then he paused and said: "you know what really gets to me? (I'm thinking, yah, I know...) it's when women are wearing althletic wear. I like it when they wear those tight pants... forget about it!" What!!

Now this guy is a 28 year old good-looking Italian kid who loves women, all women. What's interesting about the comment he made was the fact that he would actually prefer most women without any clothes on at all. When he thinks someone is attractive his mind goes immediately to imagining having sex with her, like physically being inside her... gross, I'm sorry. Anyway, the fact that he said he would prefer a women to be causual and wearing sweat pants was amazing and very, very humorous. I was telling him that I've heard this to be true for a lot of men but I've never actually heard anyone say it to me. I could imagine athletes, or maybe real casual, no nonsense guys liking women in athletic wear but not typical guy guys but whatever.

So we took the rest of the afternoon discussing the comment, the women in the building, exactly what kind of athletic pants he's thinking about and what I would prefer. I said the little black dress -of course. I couldn't really believe he would rather someone wear tight athletic pants instead of a sexy little tight black dress, but again- whatever.

He even went so far as to say he likes when he can see the line from the underwear under those pants... no thongs though(thank god), he likes the bikinis. I didn't need to hear that but we were on a roll. Well, you won't catch me in any of that stuff; I got the nylon adidas pants which I only wear for running, I don't own a little black dress-or any dress for that matter, and it's boy briefs I prefer. But I'll take a woman in jeans and a tank top anyday.

So what's up with that? Little black dress or athletic pants? You choose.

Thinking out loud

I was just flipping through Giata's cook book to figure out what to make for dinner and I got stuck once again just looking at the photos. Giata De Laurentiis is absolutely gorgeous! I missed her show on the Food Network today because I had to get my hair cut- which was long overdue. Anyway she's so sexy on that damn show I end up mesmerized every saturday morning. I hate to say it for the fear of sounding shallow- but again, I love looking at beautiful people and she's one of them! Giata may have a big head but shit- she's hot! she knows how to cook and dresses well too...

I gotta go to the grocery store now.

Just one of many

This is just one situation that happened to a friend of mine on Sunday, and it's one that I really can't stand being in.

The event: A Bridal Shower
The time: Two o'clock in the afternoon
The place: Some strange building (not someone's house)
The weather: 75 and sunny
The alcohol: None
The music: None
The food:Too insignificant to mention
The crowd: All crazy women (family and strangers)
The entertainment: "Games" and gift opening

I felt her pain when she was telling me about it on Friday afternoon and then I felt excruciating pain again this morning when I asked her how it went. She said it sucked. We both agreed on Friday that the one good thing about these idiodic showers is the consumption of alcohol-the only thing, and she didn't even have that. I think after the second game I would have been crying because of the amount of pain I would have been in; I hate it soooooo much- it's kind of crazy.

O.k., I hate going to any type of shower:baby, bridal, engagement, wedding, whatever, they all fucking suck. The stupid games are just plain stupid and a waste of everyone's time. The fact that they take place on the weekends in the middle of the day is totally inconvenient. The gift opening in front of everyone should be abolished. They usually take place in the spring time on beautiful sunny days when the last place you want to be is indoors. I always wonder why I need to be there, and it should be against the law if you host a party of any kind and don't serve any alcohol.

I hate being in situations where I can't escape and a bridal shower is an excellent example of that -they suck. I'm glad it wasn't me on Sunday.

Lets talk about sex

We have to go out with the straight friends tonight. It's not so bad just sometimes it gets a little boring and predictable; not that going out with the gay friends isn't boring at times too, it's just not as annoying in the same way.

Anyway one of the friends we are going out with is totally obsessed with s.e.x. I have a friend at work who is totally obsessed with sex also and I was thinking about why so many people can't seem to get it off the brain. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a very sexual person- love doing it, talking about it and thinking about it but I'm not obsessed with it and don't need to discuss it day and night. I used to think people who talk about it all the time either don't get enough of it, don't get the right kind of it or have a problem with it, but I'm not sure anymore. My friend at work lately is referring everything to sex and it's so annoying I almost can't even strike up a conversation with her anymore. No matter what I say, whether I'm talking about an item, an idea, a t.v show or a situation, she always makes a stupid sexual joke. I HATE stupid sexual jokes that aren't funny; actually I hate sexual jokes when the act of sex isn't present. When people talk about sex and relate it with food, tools, cardboard boxes, flowers or any other random item, I find it very annoying and a total turn off. This woman at work seems to find it sexy when I mention anything long, heavy or big... what are we eight! I know where her mind is at but the little giggles are fucking annoying!

It's different when someone I find sexy talks the sexy talk or about the act of sex, but when someone I'm not attracted to talks about the act in a strange way it gets a lttle creepy. And when someone gets turned on when I mention the word "heavy" it's just plain stupid. I work very closely with some young men and we talk about sex all the time; It's pretty funny because strangely enough I can keep up with them with the graphic stuff. We can all discuss the ladies- they feel comfortable, and I feel comfortable. They're cool guys so they do it in a decent way which helps. The thing is is that when we talk about sex, there's a beginning and an end-then it's done. There's no innuendos or beating around the bush; there's no talk about kinky sex, abnormal sex or freaky sex- unless it's just that. We just talk about plain good old fashion sex.

One of the woman we are going out with tonight is another one that talks about sex 24 hours a day. It's not sexy when she talks about sex because she does it in a disqusting graphic way. It's just too much. In her case I do believe even though she gets plenty of hetero sex it's the sex with the ladies she's missing. She's been with many woman before and I actually think she's gay, but whatever. Now she's with a gay guy-go figure. She has sex pretty much every night, with this guy who she thinks and I know is gay. What...the...hell...!! It makes sense though, this guy, like so many gay guys who refuse to believe they are gay, need sex -the act of sex. So whether it's with a woman or whatever, it doesn't matter, it's the end result that does- nothing before.

So tonight we go out to a straight bar and hang out with straight people- not sexy unless the sexy straight woman are curious. Then and only then does it get sexy. They can talk to me all night long...