It was all going along so well, the weekend that is. I talk to my parents on the phone every Sunday morning around 10:00, but today was a little different. There are times when I just don't feel like speaking or getting out of bed but the one thing that gets me to the phone is because it is from my parents. We check in with each other, talk about the weather, make sure everyone is o.k, hang up and go on with our week. It feels good.
Today there was no answer. Usually when there's no answer they are either out in the yard or on their walk and I receive a call shortly after. Today is my dad's birthday so I wanted to be the one to call them, but again no answer. Then at about 9:55 my sister calls me and I can immediately sense somethings not right. I ask her what's going on and she replys with "dad's been in the hospital since Thursday". THURSDAY!!!, first I'm thinking and wondering why and if he's o.k., then my mind immediately goes to WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU CALL ME!!!!???. Anyway to make a long story short, my dad is o.k., he was having some heart problems and got a bit nervous so they checked him in to monitor his medication. He comes out of the hospital today, thank god.
Now before I continue I know there are a lot of you out there (just in this circle alone) that have either lost a parent, struggled with a sick parent or don't have good relationships with their parents now so I'm sorry to bring up the subject, but I trust you all can handle it. There's two things going on here for me: one is the fact that my parents are old and when something like this little scare happens, the eye opening realization that they (gulp) won't be around forever. Or worse, that one will actually die without the other. The actual act of dying seems to be completely different than the fact that they won't be around anymore... geez, this is depressing. The other thing going on for me around this is the fact that my family regulary witholds things from me. Granted I have physically seperated myself from them by moving out here to Chicago, but sometimes it feels like they are in their own little way, punishing me because of that. They said they decided not to tell me my dad was in the hospital because they didn't want me to hop on a plane and come home. At first I said "I wouldn't have, but it would be nice to at least know what's going on!" then I was thinking, well hell is it the worst thing in the world if I did fly home to visit my dad? They figured there was nothing I could do. I think that should have been up to me to decide. Once the youngest in the family, always the youngest- I guess.
4 Hours later:
Well, I just called the house to see if they were home and it's turned out that my dad is going to stay in until Tuesday now- more tests. I hate this kind of stuff, I always feel sooooo badly for not only my dad, but more so for my mom. It kills me. When things like illness or accidents or whatever happen, especially to family members something shifts within me, well it doesn't shift but it stops me dead in my tracks, as I assume it does to other people as well. Ever since I was little I could never imagine life without my parents, it's just too weird and I always thought when the day comes I'm not too sure I'll be able to handle it.
Today felt like a prelude to the future and it was a little creepy. Forever is not forever anymore. I talked to my dad a minute ago and he sounded good. He said he had to kick eveyone out of the room for some peace and quiet- and because the Red Sox were on. I asked him if they won and he said yah, but it was a nail biter- they won 5-4. Like I said, realty check in more ways than one. My dad is going to be o.k., my mom is going to be o.k., and I will be o.k. when one of them is not because when it comes right down to it life doesn't stop so neither can I. So Tonight I grill up the shrimp, tomorrow the burgers and then it's back to work on Tuesday. Next week is going to be a good week. Summer is officially here, C.Love launces her web site, she faciltates a workshop at University of Illinois, Chicago on "Pursuing your passion; unleashing the leader within" and my dad heads back to the Cape. Happy Memorial day to everyone and cheers to family.
11 comments:
I'm so glad that your Dad is doing okay, R.D. I can totally identify with everything that you're feeling except for the being left out by siblings (since I'm an only child).
Enjoy the shrimp today and the burgers tomorrow. I propose a toast to you, to C. Love for her website and workshop and to the speedy recovery and homecoming for your Dad.
Hang in there, my friend.
Oh, yes, I can relate completely! My folks are early and mid-seventies.
I think they're trying to "spare you" and they mean well. But if you need to be better informed, all you can do is state that need. Many times if necessary.
Contemplating our parents' passing is devastating...you're not alone RD. Time is short, and we should all understand that-especially when dealing with loved ones.
Hope your dad's tests go well; hope you cook up some great burgers tomorrow!
Im glad, so glad that dad is ok sweets, my heart stopped there for a moment. I can understand what your feeling. As an only child being raised my a single mother, it was always my BIGGEST fear to lose my ma, I know it happens to us all in time, cos thats life, but I feared it, and hey, now at the age of 28, I have lost both my parents. It scares me so much more each day when reality hits home. I wouldnt wish this pain on you my good friend, cos it sucks, sorry to be on a downer, but thats how it is.
The other thing is, had an experience like you too. Whilst ma was SUPPOSED TO BE IN REMISSION from cancer, she spent a few weeks with my aunt. This aunt was never happy with my sexuality and when ma was with her, she was'nt so well and ended up in hosptial. I wasnt told she was in there for a few days, when I found out, of course I went straight away to find out from the docs that the whole time my ma was shouting the place down for me since she was taken in. My fucking aunt told the docs and nurses that SHE was ma's next of kin and there was no one else. That bitch! Anyway at the end all was well with ma, and she came home to Sib and me. But I know what your feeling about being left out of the biggest thing that can affect you.
Take care sweets XxXxXxX
I know you hear me kelly and in a way I'm sorry for that- you know what I mean. Thanks for the kind words!
tdharma, yah my folks are in their 70's too, but look good and are very healthy (except for this weekend)and I'm thankful for that.
You are correct in saying they are trying to protect me but I'm tired of that-I got it my whole life. I am going to send an e-mail out to the entire family stating that if anything happens with anyone in the family I need to be contacted! I am requesting it! Thanks for the words.
madhatter, I am sorry to bring you back to that horrible place. Thank you for the kind words. Cheers to little kitties!!
So glad your dad is ok. I can't believe that no one called you, how horrible. Would it really be all that bad even if you did jump on a plane and fly home?
Hope you enjoyed the long weekend.
Glad that your dad is doing good. I, too, am the youngest and stuff gets withheld from me. Until it all falls apart and I have to come in and clean it all up.
Sometimes I feel more like a zamboni than a member of the family.
Keep us posted.
That's really scary and to not be told on top of that is just plain wrong. I hope your family takes your email to heart and understands that while their intentions are good, they are not necessary. I'm relieved to hear your dad is doing well and pray that both your parents will be around for many, many years to com.
I know zoe, that's what I'm saying. If the tests today didn't go well I was on the next plane -believe me. The long weekend was good, but with this happening in the middle of it, I kind of got depressed. Thanks.
maggie,
The funny thing is even though I'm the youngest I've always been the only one who makes sense, stays calm and brings the good energy! It's their loss. So frustrating...
Thank you for the comment!
unbalanced, me too! I got really angry thinking about them not telling me and I don't think they will do it anymore after this episode, at least I hope not. I appreciate your words. Have a good week.
I am glad your dad is doing well.
Perhaps in your family it's a youngest child thing, but I'm the oldest and my family does the same thing to me when someone goes in the hospital. It's something I've never understood and I have to work hard at not letting it hurt my feelings.
Honeysuckle,
Thanks, he's doing better now. I'm not sure if it's the youngest thing,the gay thing (hate to say it) or a distance thing with them, but it really makes me angry and I struggle with it. I'm sorry to hear you are fighting the same issue. Thanks for stopping by...
glad your dad is ok. at times i think being the youngest sucks and at others i really celebrate it. being the last to know is horrible BUT... learning from everyone else's mistakes is something that i tuck in a secret spot and cherish like a trophy.
wishing your dad healtier tomorrows.
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