Since I'm obviously (well I guess only to me) struggling with some issues lately: taking control of my life, kicking fear in the ass, living like I only have one life to live and knowing from the depth of my soul that it's now or never... I'm gonna spend some time writing about being a little kid. Because when I was a little kid none of this 'life' stuff was important, the only thing that made sense was me thinking: am I happy and if not, what I can do about it. Since I can't unfortunately play with my brother's friends just because my own are too boring to play with, or swing on my swing set until it's time for dinner or play with my colorforms or watch Mr. Rogers on T.V., I thought It might help me to feel better if I imagined what I would be doing tonight if I was 5 again. I certainly wouldn't be sitting here thinking about the fact that the rest of my life is in my own hands and I have complete control over what happens for me.... no way, not that.
If I were five tonight I would be outside playing 'kick the can' and kicking the hell out of that can; I could possibly be sitting in my bean bag chair with my bathing suit on waiting for the morning to come; I may be feeling really sleepy because I played kick ball all day long at the playground with my 'playgroup'; I could very well be sitting on my porch in my grandmother's lap feeling as though there's no better place to be; I might be walking on the beach with my mom, dad, brother and sister for an after dinner stroll; I could be just lying in bed listening to the sound of the waves or sitting at my dining room table admiring my sea shell collection from spending the last five hours at the beach. Whatever I may have been doing back then it didn't really matter. My point is that my mind was focused on feeling good, that's really all a little kid wants to feel and I remember I would do anything I had to do to get there, it was just a fact. There were no 'issues' to deal with, no fear, no anger, no thinking involved- just a focus on being content and feeling like everything was ok.
I wish I could think like a five year old when it didn't matter if I sat in my brother's treehouse till someone finally found me or spent the afternoons cutting big worms in half just to watch them move seperately. Because whatever I did didn't have any effect on whatever I was going to do next. Little kids live in the moment... I'm still that same little kid, I need to remember that. Everything's ok and everything will be ok, but it's not as easy as it once was to think like that.
15 comments:
Ah, living in the moment. I hear you, r.d. I, too, wish for some of that childlike innocence, excitement and joy of what is happening now.
Great images of what you were doing as a five year-old. It got me reminiscing and smiling quite a bit. Thanks for that. :)
Man, I really wanna be a kid again too. This adult stuff is so hard sometimes, playing house, paying bills, buying food, everyday stressful things. Being 5 sounds perfect to me.
I hear my little cousin's being so impatiant, they wanna 'grow up' now. Wait til they get to my age and I hear them say 'I wanna be a kid again', I'll remind them of their egerness to grow ;-)
Nice to reminisce! Take time out to swing! That's important!
funny to see the picture as i LOVE SWINGS and have been asking people lately, why don't we swing as adults? why don't they make swings for adults? i mean, all of sudden when we passed elementary school, they disappeared. i love them. so free-ing. thanks for sharing. i'm sending you good thoughts...
Loved reading about your five year old ideas/memories. Being happy, whether we're five or any age is what it's all about. Letting our inner kid out to play is a good thing, too. :)
In the summers I'd spend with my grandparents, we'd play kick the can at dusk and into the evening....it was so much fun! To this day, I love hide and seek. Especially when I'm It!!
i was thinking that you might want to read this book called "letters to a young poet" by RILKE....just from your posts, I feel this may be of interest to you. It's a small, short, wonderful and amazing book.
Happy to bring a smile to your face kelly.
mad hatter, I'd go back to being 5 again in a second if I could! I loved it-
t2, I think I remininsce too much sometimes...
sassyfemme, I'm still stuck in a part of my childhood. If you hung out with me you'd understand within five minutes. I can't shake it, but I don't want to-
afuntanilla, I will definately check out the book. Thank you so much for mentioning it!
maggie I play hide and seek with my cat all the time, it's pretty funny and I agree, kick the can rocks!!
I completely understand what you are talking about. I feel like I've been living in limbo, trapped somewhere between childhood and adulthood killing time waiting for my real life to begin. But for me, I think this the life I'm fated to live.
I've actually been rolling a post about this around in my head for the last few days, but I hate posting serious stuff.
rd, you shouldn't feel like you have to shake off part of your childhood, as long as it's a good thing. I'm still totally into the whole little girl pink princess thing; tons and tons of pink stuff on my desk at work.
Hey zoe, you should give it a try (the serious stuff) from what I can tell you would say it in an interesting way and believe me it'll make you feel good after you do it. I know you're familiar with that feeling-
oh sassyfemme, there's no way I want to shake off ANY part of my childhood, it defines who I am. There's just sometimes I feel like I can't fully engage in my adult life because I'm still stuck... I spend my time trying to figure out how to merge the two. It's fun, challenging, entertaining and difficult! Thanks for the words-
I LOVED this post. You reminded me how I used to get so excited about something as I kid that I'd actually jump up and down, or run around in crazed joy until I fell over.
Two of the women that I work with, and I, have been under fire lately with a corporate restructuring. There's a ton of extra work, it's complicated, loaded with politics, and so stressful. We were sitting around in the VP's office, venting, and someone finally snapped, let's do something FUN for a change! I'm going crazy with this shit!
So this week we're going for an "off-site meeting."
Only it's not an offsite meeting. We're going to a petting zoo and then to the fair to drink beer, ride rides and eat corndogs. Now the women who I'm going with are in their late thirites, and I am in my late twenties. We're all on the management team.
F-it. We need some FUN dammit! We're going to slam bumper cars into each other, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, yell and shriek and pat baby goats, and not give a crap who thinks we've lost it. And to hell with the stuffed shirts back at the office!
Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to explain why we smell like goats when we get back...
Thanks claire. Petting and drinking?!... sounds good to me- have fun!
oh the bliss of being young, silly and lost in the moment. yep me too. i want that back. this adult thing is for the birds. to be 5 again. to tip over my picnic table (with bench attached) and pretend I am in a row boat... you can be 5 again anytime you want. it's a nice sweet flashback =)
god,every word i read,i saw my feelings recently,how confused i'm with my life,i ask so many questions,and can't find the answers..like u i always remind my self that everythinh will be ok,but i miss my childhood days and early teens..growing seems hard:( i love life so much,but i just feel some other people are haoding my life in their palms..anyways,i tagged you if you accept....everything will be ok:)
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