Sexy woman #5

Vegas baby. Vanessa Marcil makes the list at #5- (man, this isn't even helping the Monday morning blues) From General Hospital, to Beverly Hills 90210 and nowVegas- she's got it.

There's a 'dark haired' for you all.

Lost dog

Just a thought I couldn't shake from my mind on my run today. I passed a sign posted to a tree offering a $200.00 reward for a lost dog, he is 5 years old. My first thought when I saw it was one of total despair, then I noticed the $200.00 reward and I was wondering how someone puts a dollar amount to finding their lost dog? I mean, I understand posting a reward to give people (kids) incentive to hop on their bikes or grab their skateboards to look for it, but why 200 bucks? Shit if I lost my dog, my reward would be my car or my house or my life savings or whatever the hell anyone wanted from me. I can't imagine ever having to put a sign on a tree because I lost my pet. I don't honestly know what I would do and it's one of those things in life I hope I never have to find out.

As I continued on my run I immediately started looking around... maybe, just maybe I'd see him- somewhere and then I thought of the 200 bucks again and how I would love to be able to tell the owners I didn't want their money, maybe it was all they could literally afford to offer, and how sad is that. Returning their dog to them would be worth so much more than that, nothing would make me happier- not even a million bucks. The thought of someone losing their pet makes me sick to my stomach.

A husband... what?!

It's amazing how much I enjoy the ending of the work day on Wednesday almost as much as I hate Sunday night or Monday morning. Thursday's a breeze to get through and Friday is just the kick off to the precious weekend. Man, I hate that I live for the weekends these days but that's how it goes. I never wanted to be one of those people who walked around all day on Friday saying "thank god it's Friday!" like they were going to literally fall down dead if it actually wasn't. Yuck. I hate that feeling, I hate the mood... I hate to hate.

Last Sunday night was turning into one of those wasted nights where we wind up just waiting around to go to bed, but instead we got into the car and decided to go get a drink somewhere. We ended up a place we frequent often and sat at a bar table and split a bottle of red wine. Now that was a nice way to kick off the work week but then when I walked into work on Monday morning it all went awry. I was doing my usual Monday morning complaining and I was mentioning how I hate to go to the grocery store, it always puts me in such a bad mood. The place smells, I always feel dirty and the people are usually annoying, especially on Sunday. The Bears didn’t play this week so maybe that was why it was extra annoying this week. people just seemed to either be standing in my way with their carts or walking around in a daze as if they’ve never been in a food store before. What the fuck!- get out of my way and make a list before you come here. I can’t stand it. Anyway, I was complaining about this particular event and various other things when someone yelled out “You need to get yourself a husband”… what?!, wait a minute-what?! Most people immediately started laughing like they were in second grade and they just heard ‘Susie say she liked Bobby’. I, on the other hand was speechless and confused but it only took me a second to respond to that ridiculous statement; while I was a little thrown I was also very eager to announce that I was gay.

Me: “what did you say?”
Someone else yelled: “you need to get a husband”
Me: “oh… that’ll never happen” (saying it with much sarcasm) and then proceeded to reintroduce myself to this woman stating that I was gay.

All that aside for a second; just because someone has a “husband” does this mean they won’t ever have to go to the grocery store? I don’t get where she was coming from, it didn’t make any sense. Later in the day we were discussing the interaction and she said her dad was always the one to go to the store so that’s where the comment came from. Whatever. It was strange to have to tell someone I was gay, I haven’t had to do it in a long time. Thankfully it feels so normal now that I assume everyone automatically knows even if I don’t say it, but I understand that’s ridiculous. I don’t think I ever actually said straight out to anyone “Hi, my name is (insert real name) and I’m gay. Strange but good.

Anyway, so Monday started out with my professing my sexuality, Tuesday sucked, Wednesday sucked but now it’s Wednesday night- cocktail hour. It’s all down hill from here. Bring on the weekend… please.

Sexy woman #4

Cat Deeley is smokin hot. If you don't know who she is, she is the host of the show So You Think You Can Dance and I'm sure she's one of the reasons the show is such a hit. She's totally sexy in like a 'let's have sex right here and right now' kind of way. I obviously think she's extremely attractive, but she's also very flirtatious on the show as well, which of couse helps the sexy meter. She's a tall, blond- what can I say?

closeted with Barbie

I was just thinking about Barbie- the doll, when leaving a comment on afunt's post and I started to get a little carried away with my thoughts, so I thought I should bring it over to my place to elaborate. Kind of sad I think... a Barbie? What the fuck. But come on now, she’s a tall blond…mmmmm- Anyway, I remember my obsession with Barbie’s when I was a kid, but what I mostly remember is that cool camper she had. I loved that thing. Of course my older brother used to steal it from me or I’d find it tipped over in the corner of the living room with his G.I. Joe’s ambushing it. But even when Barbie was hung by her feet and attached to the chandelier in the dining room she still looked kinda hot.

I grew up in a pretty large home in the suburbs of Boston; I loved that house, cried when my parents sold it and still drive by it whenever I get back there. It’s in my dreams all the time. We had a pretty large front door which led into a decent size foyer, but it wasn’t too large at all- just right. If you took a couple of steps to the right you were in the living room and a couple of steps left brought you to the dining room. The highlight of that foyer was the closet. We used it as a coat closet, but it was also a good enough size for a 5 year old to hang out in, plus it was carpeted. The closed was cool because the door wasn’t solid, it had slats in it which allowed me to see people going by (people like my mom, dad, brother, sister or dog.) but they couldn’t see me. It was awesome, I lived in that closet. Not literally, but that’s where Barbie and I hung out- that’s where the camper parked, and that was where I went whenever I wanted some “alone time” or to escape from the family.

When I think back on it, I find it kind of ironic that I spent most of my little kid days either in a basement or in a closet. I was in a closet with a tall leggy blond- nice. I wonder about that- not so much about Barbie but more about the fact that I hung out in a closet… it’s strange, right? I loved then, as I do now, feeling as if I can see everything going on around me but also feeling fully protected. I was hidden but involved and that feeling has followed me my whole life. I want to be on the outside looking in and then either open the door or enter the room when I feel I’m ready and not a moment sooner. Sure, I popped out of that closet a lot but I mostly stayed hidden, behind the slats and safe from the world. (my family)

Anyway, I loved Barbie and I loved that damn camper. I wish I still had it.

Sexy woman #3

Kate Winslet is sexy. Not so much in the hot, sizzling way but more in the slow, steamy way- I have a funny feeling she just has it going on no matter what she's doing or saying. The word sexy came to mind the moment I saw her on a talk show after the swell of Titanic. I think it was Oprah- there was just something about her that made me sit back and wonder...

coming out... again

Here's the deal: since I've been a little lost for the last couple of days I've missed National Coming out Day. I guess it was Wednesday but I had no idea. Unfortunately I live in the straight world and if they don't talk about it at work, in the paper, on the morning shows, or on ESPN, I miss it. I should have known, C.Love heard about it but I didn't. I feel like a bad gay person- oh well.

My "coming out story" isn't very animated or extremely exciting so I don't feel a need to share it in detail. What I will say is that it came to fruition about 11 or 12 years ago and I said it through letter writing. I wrote my parents, sister and brother each one. Maybe I decided on writing it because I didn’t feel strong enough to use my own physical voice or maybe I simply wanted to lessen the blow for those receiving it. I kind of think it was a little of both, but all I remember was that I was so tired of hiding it. I don’t honestly think anyone was surprised; what I mostly felt back from them was disappointment and concern. And love- lots of love. My sister in law told me that my brother cried (weird to hear), my sister just wanted to make sure I was ok and my mom just told me she didn’t understand, but she loved me. My Dad gave me love, but no approval. My family is old school, they don’t get it. Bottom line, we don’t discuss it, we all love C.Love and I think they are just waiting for it to end- whatever. My friends back home in Boston were also told through letters and friends here in Illinois were introduced to it when they were first introduced to both C. Love and I when we first hit town when introductions came up and our story followed. I don't hide it from anyone anymore, and I finally feel proud to 'be it'. It took me a while to feel comfortable in my own skin and there are still times of anxiety when discussing the subject or when I'm asked detailed questions about my "story"- it depends on who's asking but I'm a pretty private person and I like it that way- good thing I'm not famous.

I'm mostly sorry that on Wednesday there wasn't one person who felt the urge to either tell their story to me or even just allude to it. I'm around a lot of people every day and it would have been really cool and heartwarming if someone had felt the urge to say they were gay. I know tons of people playing the role of a straight person when I know they’re gay, but that’s a whole other post- it just would have been nice.

Coming out for me was a process, it may have started 11, 22, 13 or 30 years ago- I don’t know, but I never stood on any pedestal and felt the need to announce it to the world- it’s just not my style. In a way this blogging thing has become a continuation of the coming out process; you guys are all new, introductions have to be made and stories have to be told. I felt it was only right for a photo to follow. It’s not a full frontal shot- I gotta know you a whole lot better for that… As much as I got tired of hiding my sexuality, I got tired of hiding myself with this blog- it’s too much. I talk about having “issues” with photos but what I mean by that is seeing someone for me is huge, so I don’t take it lightly. A photo makes it real, makes you real and alive. Close to home- you now what I mean?

Maybe there’s someone out there reading our posts that hasn’t come out yet but will feel secure and safe enough to do it on line with one of us. I know I would have.

Sexy woman #2

She's tough, she's got a great voice and a very sexy vibe working for her which doesn't necessarily come from her appearance.

Michelle Rodriguez makes the list. She's sexy in an untamed but controlled sort of way.

The weekend

Sometimes a little change of scenery is all that's needed to get you through to the next round- if you know what I mean.

We decided to head up to Saugatuck Michigan for the weekend; it's a quick three hour trip up there to what has been called The Cape Cod of the Mid-West. I'm not so quick in calling it that, in fact I wouldn't call it that at all, but for descriptive purposes we will allow it. Anyway, I took the day off on Friday and we ended up getting out of the house by 10:00 A.M.- not bad and then to our destination by around three o'clock (time change) After dealing with some major construction leaving Chicago, it was a pretty smooth trip the rest of the way. We've been to Saugatuck a couple of times before and we always end up saying the same thing: it's too small, there's not enough women, the bar (there's actually only like one) sucks, there's no good restaurants and there's too many families walking around, but we keep going back and back... go figure. We seem to be drawn to this place, but I'm not too sure why.

In order to keep things short and sweet here's a re-cap:
Things we bought: gas for the car, a sandwich on the way up, coffee when we arrived, a bottle of wine for the room, dinner, almost a really cool pair of shoes for C. Love, a panini sandwich and a new thumb ring for me- I've been looking for one with a thicker band. I found one and it's nice...
Not much purchased as you can see.

Things we did: Ate, drank, shopped, walked, sat on the beach, held hands, kissed a lot... cried, (long story) watched some TV., ate breakfast with strangers, talked a lot.
Not too much as you can see.

Things we discussed: Moving there, moving to California, the beauty of Race Point Beach, the lack of gay people in the most gay area of the Mid-West, our future, our past, our relationship and the fact that our room was overpriced, bad coffee, why there is only one coffee joint in the area, how much the Mid-West is just so Midwestern and how we keep getting stuck next to playgrounds-
Again, doesn't sound like much but way more than what I can describe- believe me.

We had a great weekend, we got in touch with some things that were lost and learned about some things in the process. We decided we need to seriously consider moving to California, how important good restaurants, bars, beautiful surroundings and cool clothing stores are to us and how we need to go away more- in other words we didn't really do, see or experience anything out of the ordinary but we didn't have to do it in the comfort of our own home for a change.

Things look better when things look different.

Sexy woman #1

Esquire magazine has just crowned Scarlett Johansson the "Sexiest Woman Alive." First of all I really want to know how these people come to this conclusion, are they ever even meeting them face to face? Because I'm thinking the vibe thing one gets from being up close and personal would count for a lot. But anyway, there you have it. She is pretty hot and I too will consider her sexy, she's actually beautiful but the sexiest woman alive? yikes, that's big.

I am going to dedicate Monday morning to sexy women... well(famous) women I think look sexy. Scarlett will start it off and in nine weeks from now someone will end it. Monday's suck, so what better way to start your week than with a hot babe. Mine's sleeping right now... Enjoy the show.