safe sex

(I'm fully aware of how judgemental I am being with this post but I'm thinking they all look like this)

Definition: "A cuddle party is an event designed with the intention of allowing people to experience non-sexual group physical intimacy through cuddling. Cuddle parties are described by organizers as "workshop/social-events" that gives adults an opportunity to "give and receive welcomed affectionate touch in a no-expectation, friendly setting, according to your needs, desires, interests, and boundaries." Cuddle parties are described as non-sexual events but kissing may occur at some parties. It's a drug and alcohol-free way to meet fascinating people in a relaxing environment. A laboratory where you can experiment with what makes you feel safe and feel good."

OK, what the fuck is this. On my way home from work the other day they were talking about this on the radio and so I had to check it out for myself. It's for real, people actually do this thing. First of all, I don't know about any of you but I don't need a 'cuddle' party to experience non-sexual group intimacy. But now that I just said that, I'm thinking that if you are an actual sex addict or if you have a tendency to confuse sex with intimacy than this may just be the thing for you... All I'm saying is there is NO WAY on earth I would ever go to any one of these so called cuddle parties if invited. First of all, groups of people in their pajamas freak me out (unless they are 5 year olds) and second of all, I would never attend any gathering where 'non sexual' (but completely sexual) activity is going on without some alcohol! shit, what's the point of these parties? Third of all, groups of people in their flannel pajamas is actually the most unattractive situation I think I could be in. Plus there are "rules" and what kind of party has rules- know what I'm sayin?

Rule # 1 - Pajamas stay on the whole time. (how about the fuzzy slippers?)
Rule # 2 - You don't have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever. (What?)
Rule # 3 - You must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone. (Be as specific in your request as you can.) (like that's really happening-come on now)
Rule # 4 - If you're a Yes to a request, say YES. If you're a No, say NO. (duh)
Rule # 5 - If you're a Maybe, say NO. (I disagree-if you're a maybe, say yes)
Rule # 6 - You are encouraged to change your mind. (and get the hell out of there-fast)
Rule # 7 - Respect your relationship boundaries and communicate with your partner. (yeah, "like , could you move down a little more"?)
Rule # 8 - Come get the Cuddle Caddy or ME if there's a concern, problem, or should you feel unsafe or need assistance with anything today.
Rule # 9 - Tears and laughter are both welcome. (Oh, no)
Rule # 10 - Respect people's privacy when sharing about Cuddle Parties and do not gossip.
Rule #11 - Keep the Cuddle Space Tidy (Stuffed animals take up lots of room)
Rule #12 - Thank you for arriving on time. (that one's loaded...)

One question: If this is an organized event allowing adults to experience non-sexual group intimacy why the hell are they wearing pajamas?! Why not wear turtlenecks and sweatpants?kissing may be allowed at some of them?!?... I'm thinking people that host and join these events are just desperate individuals looking for a perverted way to get some sex. So I need to know if anyone out there is familiar with these things.

The only way you would get me to attend one of these is if the invitation read: Woman only intimacy wine and cheese party; pajamas optional; and no shoes allowed. That's it.

Horizontal with Felicity

O.k, I just have to say one more time that this show was THE best show on television and the fact that the subject of it has come up twice now within the last 4 days is kind of ironic so I just have to put it out there.

Last weekend I was staying at my friend's house in Atlanta and we had just gotten home from a night out when I flicked on her TV (it was in my room) and the show Felicity came on. It was strange because I thought I was turning on the actual cable but apparently I was just turning on the DVD player-whatever. (I never actually figured it out) I heard the opening theme song as I was fluffing my pillows getting ready to lay down and was immediately carried into that trance-like, lethargic state I remember so well. That was it, I was down for the count. I quickly became totally useless to anyone else for the rest of the evening because Felicity had me- hook, line and sinker. Luckily the cats seemed to accept my horizontal position and settled right in there in between my legs and by my side, oblivious to the fact that I wasn't even touching them. If I remember correctly, t2 was behind me typing away at her computer and kelly was blowing her nose in the other room (allergy season in Atlanta); all seemed right with the night.

The lighting of that show is what grabs me and then the dialog is what reels me in. It's similar to that feeling you get when you're in the middle of a euphoric 'act'... know what I mean?... you're still floating and swimming around but quite comfortable in your little place?. It's a settling spot/feeling and it all just mesmerizes me, so there I lay-on my futon with eyes glued to the screen waiting for what ever was to came next. I watched the pilot that night and I chose to watch it with the commentary on because his (J.J. Abrams) mind is so entertaining to me I dig listening to how he thinks. Felicity was a television series with heart and soul... and humor. I can't say enough good things about it and as much as I love Lost, when I first started watching that show I couldn't believe it was from the same master mind as Felicity- talk about feeling 'lost', that guy is intense to say the least. Unlike the unexplained, frustrating drama that occurs weekly on Lost, Felicity was all about reality-amazingly real, piercing reality. It was all about the stuff in between the lines and when someones able to create a series centered around what's not being said by actually saying it is my idea of a creative genius. There were no unexplained monsters in that dorm room.

Anyway, I like to just take a moment to celebrate some facts:#1- J.J. Abrams is still creating meaningful stuff, #2- Felicity is still alive and well in so many people's homes, #3- I had no idea that t2 liked the show and that just makes me feel connected to her on a totally separate level-which is cool. And talk about Felicity 'moments', the fact that I was actually in the home of someone I blog with almost daily and have only hooked up with in person only three times and there was someone in the next room I've only met twice- was pretty cool.

Angie was hanging across town that weekend at her own pad but at one point during the last day we were there, she was mentioning that it was too bad we couldn't have spent more time together (she chose to be busy with other things). When she said that, I was a little taken a back because the rest of us were having Felicity moments right and left all weekend long- just because we were sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Afunt made conscious decisions to not do 'nothing' with us but sometimes within the 'nothing' comes a whole lot of something. The something in this case was simply being present (physically) with each other (not physically, physically- come on now) you all know what I mean... and that's all we needed. I'm sorry she wasn't around more also, but such as life- and such as Felicity.

Know what I'm saying?

In lieu of the weekend- Cheers! I guess we know where the 19 year old shops...

My idea of good

I'm so tired of people telling me about movies they think are 'good' and then either renting them only to experience how much I think they suck or listening to them go on and on all the while saying to myself "what the hell are they talking about!, that movie sucked so bad I had to turn it off", but continuing to keep my mouth shut- just to be polite. Granted, there are way more movies out there that I think suck as opposed to rock but that's just me. Zoe's latest post was on a movie called Wristcutters: A Love Story and apparently she loved the thing but with the title alone I'm thinking it's not really a quality film... but maybe. After checking out the trailer I decided to let this one pass- but you be the judge and if you end up watching it, let Zoe know what you think.

Anyway, her post got me thinking about my own favorite movies and thought I'd share. For starters, the movie The Station Agent holds one of the top (If not the top) spots on my list and I recommend it all the time to people looking for a good flick. I actually only recommend it to certain people though, because of the slow pace of the movie tons of people would find it boring and I don't want to recommend it if I think they can't handle it. To me- those people are boring. If I ever had to do speed dating, this would be one of my questions- 1. Did they see it and 2. Did they like it. This would tell me a lot. (other speed dating questions are another post) I understand people like movies for very specific reasons and depending on what mood they are in when they watch it has a huge effect also but for me, The Station Agent is a movie I love because it's real- not real as in non-fictional but real as in authentic and 'quality'. I get a good feeling from watching it- not an angry feeling, a sad feeling, a violent feeling or a depressing feeling. It feels normal, it's cool as hell and it's definately in my top 5. Other movies are:

Good Will Hunting- it's a Boston flick and it's "awesome" for many reasons.

E.T.- It's a classic and a watching a little kids mind in action is hard to beat.

Swingers- Funny as hell

That's three for starters, there's more but I'm running out of time and gotta go- So anyway, go rent Wristcutters if you're into that or rent Station Agent if you want to spend time with space... Let me (and Zoe) know.

tears of joy

I cry. I'm not a "crier", but I do cry. I don't particularly like to cry because whenever it happens it always seems to get in the way of whatever else is going on at the time. For me, if I'm sad it just makes me sadder and if I'm happy (and crying) it just wrecks the mood because now I need to find a tissue and can't focus on the enjoyment anymore. My crying can occur under many different circumstances:I can easily cry during sad or inspirational movies and seeing children and animals of any kind in pain; I cry when my parents are in pain and I could totally break down if I sat with the thought of one of them going through life with out the other due to a death; I am able to cry from certain words, pictures, thoughts and television shows and I'm a total sucker for the 'underdog' and the person living in "rags" making it big. But I also always seem to cry, well my eyes tear up, whenever I crack up laughing and sometimes that laughter turns into a lump in my throat as if I really feel like crying- it's strange and the eyes completely fill up when I cut an onion, but there's no emotion attached to those tears. In other words it's just never convenient to shed the tears, so I don't jump at the opportunity, but as we all know sometimes the act is unavoidable.

I've learned as an adult that crying is a healthy thing and should not be held in- kind of like sneezing... so I do it when the the moment moves me. I actually cried many times this winter, not because it was the worst winter in like 15 years but because I was either frustrated as hell over something, in a fight with C. Love, still growing, or over the fact that my job was requiring me to work some Saturdays; hence I felt like my life was being taken away from me. It's been a pretty tough winter for many reasons both emotionally and spiritually. At times I chose to bury my self in 'sex and drugs and rock and roll' to sooth the pain but that relief is only temporary then it's time to face the truth... and the tears.

Today I went running for only the second time this winter (I choose not to run on ice and risk killing myself from traffic or dodge snowbanks and get frost bite) because today was 61 degrees. Just saying that is enough to make me cry on the inside. The fact that I haven't moved my body much more than to run up a flight or two of stairs for the last 3 months didn't make for an easy jog, but I managed to get myself down to the lake. As soon as I jumped off the wall and my feet hit the sand my eyes started to tear and I felt that feeling in my heart, head and throat- I made my way over to the rocks away from the babies, the dogs and the walkers and totally burst into tears. They were completely undeniable and obviously inconvenient. I guess they were tears of joy but what they felt like were tears of relief. A lot of my tears over the winter were because I couldn't breathe; today my tears were because I finally could. That warmth from the sun and the energy from the beach is all my soul needs for fuel and the fact that it was without them for the last 5 months was too much for me to take today. They were tears of joy but then sadness when I soon realized that was the (sad) truth.

And of course I didn't have any tissues on me.