In t2's last post she brought up a couple of topics, one being whether or not we 'hide' our blogs from our significant others, potentials, or anyone at all; if we don't why and if we do why and if we then consider this an "affair". That's where I'm going to pick it up from. If we DO and we kind of feel like it's an affair... of the safe kind, and then pushing it a little further- at what point do we feel like we are "cheating". How far does it have to go?
In my experience, I have known many people who feel like they are being 'unfaithful' to their significant other by simply speaking aloud their opinions,(or in this case writing their opinions)about what they think, or feel about another person. Example: if they think person 'x' is attractive or not, or if they may feel an "attraction to" a certain individual. Personally, I talk all the time about who I think is hot, attractive etc. around my girlfriend, she does the same and we're fine- we accept it and expect it. Thankfully we are secure enough within ourselves and our relationship that we feel ok sharing our opinions (sexually related) about other people we know or notice. It's no big thing. There are others however who don't feel the same. So just for the record:
I don't consider it "cheating" unless
a- the primary relationship is being put aside
b- there is sex involved (physical)
c- we choose 'the other' instead of our own
And I don't call it an "affair" unless it's
a- completely and totally hidden from our significant other
b- fulfilling something which may be either physically or emotionally sexually related
c- a and b are going on for a very long time- like a year
My question is how much are you comfortable with? How much talk about sex, how far will you go with flirting? how explicit, how honest can you be about your opinions. Where is the line drawn for you? Is "blogging" your way to flirt safely? or be bold without repercussion? or 'talk dirty' because you can't be touched?
Well all I have to say is good job if your answer is YES because then at least you're alive and well. You gotta get it out and before that you gotta get it. I say we all kick it up a notch and for those who are holding back-stop being so 'safe'.
12 comments:
BP and I talk all the time about who we think is hot, and what it is about that person that we find attractive, whether it be the girl who works at the coffee shop or some celebrity. She actually has our "lists" written down, and she's the one who told me it really didn't matter anyway because if she had the opportunity to sleep with someone famous, she was going to. She cracks me up. I think we are a pretty connected couple, and I don't even feel a little bit jealous or threatened.
I'm pretty comfortable with quite a lot, probably more than most. I thinks it's only normal and healthy for people to flirt, and to continue to flirt even after they are coupled. But if flirting were to lead to actual intent or true desire that you would seriously contemplate acting on something physical, then I think that's where the line is. And you know when you've reached that line with someone.
I know there have been times when BP has had crushes or what ever you want to call it, and I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't too, but it didn't interfere or take away from our relationship and physical lines were never crossed. I think it would be naive to believe that I could always be or have everything she needs. I have no ownership over her thoughts. As long as she is honest about things, and not hiding "friendships" then I'm happy for her.
There isn't much, if anything, that I would say in blogging that I wouldn't or don't say in person, at least as far as sex is concerned. In fact I think that I am much more crude and explicit in person. What do you want to know? I'm not shy, I'll tell you. I really should come with an warning label.
I don't think that flirting through blogging is any "safer". Though, proximity may keep you from acting out on an urge, it still can dominate your time, which would be taking away from the relationship.
I guess the short answer is, it's not so much what you say, or even what you may be thinking, it's your actions.
The image--cute.
I expect to have a relationship that is healthy enough where both parties feel the freedoms to be who they are, on-line or off.
I agree with zoe, it is your actions.
Affairs whether it's of the mind, body and spirit - you'll know it when you feel it. The feeling actually comes on alot sooner than the actual act.
I agree - lets kick it up a notch!
Interedting post R.D.
One question: Do you call it an affair when it's emotional involment and not physical?
Hey zoe, your words ring true to myself as well. I guess a question for you would be how far would you take it in blogging land (or in any other world besides your live one) I know actions speak louder than words but lots of words can do some damage also- you know what I mean?
I expect you will too only daughter and she'll be lucky to have you.
I agree t2,I honestly don't think actions have to be involved at all sometimes, it depends.
I'm not sure exactly how to kick it up but I'm glad you're on board if we go. Your suggestions are welcome as always.
It can be afunt, it most definately can be...
That is sort of a difficult question to answer. There are a few people in blogland who I jokingly flirt back and forth with, but since I have no real feelings for those people I don't worry what is out there for people to read, or more specifically BP to read.
I guess if I felt like I had to hide my correspondences from BP, then it's gone too far. I think if I started feeling guilt or being deceptive then that's too far, and that's as far as I'd go.
I don't think it's too hard to get to that line either.
You answered it.
I love this post, it makes me think and examine my thoughts and actions. I've definitely flirted, playfully and innocently, with one friend online, on our logs and in IMs. We both know it's playful, innocent, and never going anywhere, nor would we want it to in reality. We just click. She's become one of my dearest friends. She's actually much like Fran. We absolutely don't flat out talk dirty, there's just playful innuendo. (Hell, I can barely talk dirty to my own wife!) To do any more than playful innuendo would definitely feel like cheating. It would also feel like cheating if emotionally I were more connected to this person than I was to Fran. Basically I think there are emotional affairs and physical affairs. I could easily let myself slip into an emotional affair because I click so well with this friend. However, I consciously choose not to, because I think that's wrong, and I would never want to endanger my marriage.
In the past, flirting has been a dangerous thing for me in an online environment. I'm much more sure of myself behind the keyboard and monitor. It's easier to chose words that are wittier or more provocative as the case may be.
Face-to-face, I tend to be clueless. I can't tell if someone is interested in me or not and most often, I'm too afraid to find out. There's nowhere to hide when flirting face-to-face. Online there's often physical distance between people which can make it safer.
My goal is to be the same person online and off. If I wouldn't feel comfortable flirting with someone I'd have to see in person, then I shouldn't flirt with her online. Does that make sense?
Hey sassyfemme,sounds like you know what's going on. Flirting is healthy for you as well as your relationship. Have fun out there.
Makes sense kel, I guess. Sure it's a hell of a lot easier to let the guard down while on line but if the thoughts and feelings are there then you're not faking it. I imagine others may see your flirtatious side a lot clearer than you imagine them to. (in person) Others pick up vibes you don't even intend to consciously give out. I often times believe I have no idea how to flirt because it's not the tradional way. If I find someone attractive I usually avoid the situation-too much.
Hello stranger ... hows it going???
Im a flirt behind the keyboard and in real life too, so Im not hiding anything here... like sassy, I talk with friends on messenger and flirt like mad (with one in particular) but it's a playful thing ... we both know it. Fairy knew what she was letting herself in for ... before we got together ... I hide nothing! She has no problem with it ... we have our own connection ... and like Zoe said, its healthy for people to flirt, even if they are spoken for ... in my books, it makes life a little more interesting, you just need to know where to draw the line ...
I never ever thought about hiding my blog from fairy ... its my way of saying things that sometimes I cant get to come out of my mouth .. I do though ... wish I hid it from certain other people in my life ... cos it means I cant be so free when I give out about em ... but hey ... life goes on .. and Im having fun ...
xXx
Hey mh!, I knew you'd be around with this particular topic. Hope things are well and... flirt away!
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