It's difficult for me, as I assume it is for others as well, to just 'sit with' something; whether it's something that is bothering me, annoying me, controlling me or depressing me. My first instinct is to lash out, fight the urge to cry, complain or 'try to fix it' (if it's happening to someone else). I'm like a guy in that way, well I'm like a guy in many ways but right now I'm referring to having the urge to "fix it". If someone's upset, my immediate question is "what happened?", as if something happened to this person, it is upsetting them, so I need to figure out what it was so I can stop it from occurring and fix the problem. What's the solution; what can I physically do to fix whatever is going on. That's how I feel.
That's my first instinct and then seconds later I kick in to more of a human being and remember that sometimes all people need is someone to listen and not judge; someone to hear them and understand or someone to simply say,"wow, that must really hurt and I'm sorry". I've learned things over the years and consider myself a pretty good listener (because I actually listen). I've learned that sometimes people don't want an answer, or a solution to their problem or a 'way out'. They just need to sit with it. Maybe they need to cry, or complain, or lash out and that's the only thing they need. For some people blogging is their way to do just that. They use the space as a vehicle to not only express themselves but to be allowed to do it with out back lash. And I've noticed that that's actually all they need. Some people don't want 5, 10,15, 20 or 30 people commenting back. I said some don't, I know most do. Some people are not looking for others to tell them what to do or tell them what they would do or to pick a fight with their words.
I'm bringing this up because today I commented on someone's post and it was one of those immediate comments, you know the kind where you respond to the words someone uses but not necessarily the meaning of the post itself. I almost deleted my comment at the end of the day because I thought I realized what she was trying to say, or at least I thought I did. But instead I decided to do this and kind of apologize- in public. I was thinking that maybe like she said- just 'reflecting' and she wasn't looking for responses about it. She was simply sitting with some of her thoughts, maybe realizing some things for the first time or maybe just looking for a few good listeners to say "that must be hard for you" and that's it. So again, thanks for sharing and I'm sorry you (may) feel alone in the world.
But still- why do bizarro things happen to you in coffee shops?
That's my first instinct and then seconds later I kick in to more of a human being and remember that sometimes all people need is someone to listen and not judge; someone to hear them and understand or someone to simply say,"wow, that must really hurt and I'm sorry". I've learned things over the years and consider myself a pretty good listener (because I actually listen). I've learned that sometimes people don't want an answer, or a solution to their problem or a 'way out'. They just need to sit with it. Maybe they need to cry, or complain, or lash out and that's the only thing they need. For some people blogging is their way to do just that. They use the space as a vehicle to not only express themselves but to be allowed to do it with out back lash. And I've noticed that that's actually all they need. Some people don't want 5, 10,15, 20 or 30 people commenting back. I said some don't, I know most do. Some people are not looking for others to tell them what to do or tell them what they would do or to pick a fight with their words.
I'm bringing this up because today I commented on someone's post and it was one of those immediate comments, you know the kind where you respond to the words someone uses but not necessarily the meaning of the post itself. I almost deleted my comment at the end of the day because I thought I realized what she was trying to say, or at least I thought I did. But instead I decided to do this and kind of apologize- in public. I was thinking that maybe like she said- just 'reflecting' and she wasn't looking for responses about it. She was simply sitting with some of her thoughts, maybe realizing some things for the first time or maybe just looking for a few good listeners to say "that must be hard for you" and that's it. So again, thanks for sharing and I'm sorry you (may) feel alone in the world.
But still- why do bizarro things happen to you in coffee shops?
8 comments:
You know, I can't speak for afunt, but as far as when I post things that are reflective, any comments are welcome. Sometimes they make me think a different way, or let me know that I'm on the right track, or maybe they just commisterate with me. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't second guess yourself about what you write in comments. Write from the heart, that's what makes us like you anyway. Besides, when we don't want comments on a post we can turn them off. :)
Yeah, I understand what you're saying sassyfemme It's just what I thought- after the thought- so I decided to say it. You're right, people can turn off if they want-
Hey, while I have your attention and there's no one around (your blog) I wanted to say I'm so sorry about Fran's Mom. I hope she's ok (Fran).
r.d., thanks. Honestly, I'm not totally sure how she is. She's not doing a lot of talking about feelings. Actually neither am I. We're just kind of "being" if that makes sense. She did say for the first time yesterday that she knows her mom is going to die. I wanted to shout out not to say that, but I know I can't, because she will, unless there was some huge screw up wtih the test and it's not metastasized. It's just a matter of how much time she has, and making the most of it, I guess.
Hey sassyfemme, sometimes just 'being' is exactly what's needed. Sounds like for Fran it's just 'settling in'...into stuff, you know? and just having you next to her is all she needs- Cus that's a lot. (kind of like what I've been trying to say on this post)Discussion is not needed. I'm all over the place here so I'll stop but I'll trust you know what I'm saying.
I do, I get it. You're right. :)
hi -- i replied to you on my original post. THXXX
yep, i'm a fixer, too, with a splash of good listener "that must have been hard for you" mixed in. :) i find when i need to just talk (and not have the thing fixed) i preface it by saying so, in a nice way, of course.
great blog, btw. i've enjoyed the posts immensely.
Thanks wen, see you around-
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