As expected, this whole "move" thing has brought up some of my issues and at this moment (unfortunately) continues to wreck havoc on my relationship and in turn has forced us to cancel our dinner plans for the evening.I was just aimlessly scrolling through a bunch of old e-mails and I came across one that oddly enough hit the spot, calmed me down a bit (enough to attempt a post) and will thankfully allow me to trudge on with my process. My fear around this move or should I say 'fear of the unknown' has almost paralyzed me from making any attempt to move forward around it and instead has totally allowed the naysayer that lives inside of me to completely- 100% not only take over my mind but allow those stupid words to come out of my mouth as well. I've been wanting some 'proof' that everything will be ok for us in California especially after last weeks horrific events unfolded and since it's impossible to receive that, I've been living in a pretty bad place lately. My all knowing, strong, inner self knows we will be better than ok in California but that fucking negative voice always seems to win. I gotta find a way to put that thing on the bench and start letting the other guys play. So as some of you (or most of you) can attest to, when the negative voice rules our little world we tend to stay stuck in the gloom and doom and frolic in misery instead of embracing the potential joy of change.
Anyway, through the e-mail I came across "Today's Daily" and thought I'd share it with you all in case anyone else is entertaining the naysayer tonight instead of fun, human contact.
7 comments:
If a lot of your issues weren't surfacing around the move, I'd be more concerned, R.D. This is a big deal for the two of you and venturing into unfamiliar territory is never easy, even if you know that ultimately it will be a benefit to your life.
I've experienced what you're going through a couple of times and have the sense that I will be embarking on a new journey in 2008 as well. Keep talking things out and trying to keep the big picture in mind.
And, feel free to call or email me anytime. :)
Thanks kelly,
I was just saying that today to c.love that I guess I would be dead if I didn't feel tons of stuff around this move but I just can't seem to hold on to anything concrete-you know? We go out to Long Beach on Wednesday so hopefully things will start to make sense then. I will call and write as soon as I get my act together, thanks.
By the way, the dinner plans we had to cancell last night are happening tonight... FUCK!!! I guess I'll have to tape the game or hopefully catch the end for the WIN!!!!!!!!!
I hear you. I've, well BP and I, have been trapped by our safety net for too long. We had a major discussion today about moving forward towards having kids. What's the rush right, we've only talking about it for like 10 years. We both want kids, but the change in our lives scares the hell out of both of us.
Moving across country to the unkown would be scare the crap out of me, but you know it will be okay. Things always seem to have a way of working out. It may not be what you planned, but it is what it is and there are no certainties in life.
Oh so true zoe,oh so true. The kid thing scares me so much I can't do it. We both want them but we're not finished putting ourselves first! When the time is right it will present itself to you both-
Yeah, I have an excuse to put off all that stuff until B gets her PHD but after that - watch out! I'm gonna sound the same! Just the thought of cleaning out closets and putting my house on the market makes me want to curl up in a ball and start babbling.
i echo what kelly said; if stuff WASN'T coming up for you, i'd be worried. it's all a good sign.
BTW, i tried to email you, but it came back as undeliverable...??
hang in there..
you'll be fine t2 and you'll realize that when you curl up in a ball and hide in the closet nothing moves forward, so it doesn't feel so good in there after some time. I can't even begin to think about packing and we're moving across the fucking county. I think I'd rather have a house to have to sell...
I know afunt, it still sucks going through any of it.
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