When I moved out here to Chicago the most difficult part of the whole process was leaving behind my three little nephews and adorable little niece. They literally hung on to my clothes and wouldn't let go when it was time for the actual goodbye. It was hard for them to understand. All they heard was that I wanted to leave home- and leave their little lives. That was only half true. I did want to leave home and needed to move away from my family so I could finally grow up and live my own life, but there was no way I wanted to abandon them-no way. How in the hell are you supposed to explaine that to kids? They were only 1,3,4 and 7 yrs old. I'm not sure what was going through their minds at the time, if anything, but I know that the three younger ones had no idea what or where "Micago" was (that's how the three year old said it) and they also had no clue that I was gay. I'd like to believe my whole family was aware on some level, but it wasn't spoken of until I came out here to live; where I was already at a safe enough distance to dodge the bullets, if any were to come. None came, but that's another story.
Years have gone by, the kids are now old enough to know exactly where Chicago is and they have been begging their parents year after year to come out and visit. Every one has been out here except the kids, my brother in law and actually- my brother. My sister has come a couple of times, my parents, C. Love's parents, C. Love's brother and even my sister in law. Now that I think about it it's kind of ironic that my brother hasn't been out. He had the hardest time out of anyone when I told him I was gay- he just cried a lot because he didn't want me to suffer. Anyway, we're not going that way now; my point is that next week my brother, his wife and my niece and nephew are coming into town. It's school vacation week and the 15 year old is on a quest to visit every single ballpark and Wrigley Field is next on the list. They will be here from Wednesday night-Saturday night.
Over the last couple of years C. Love and I have always assumed that the kids know about us just because kids are so smart and intuitive, but we weren't 100% sure. They always treat us like they know, but then again, they're just being normal. It's the adults that act strange when they know. So I was thinking the other day that they may actually not know and how strange it would be to have them here! I freaked out a little, mostly because worrying about people knowing or not knowing is something we haven't (thankfully) delt with in a very long time. And there's no way we want to go back there. I've wanted to tell the kids, but I figured it was their parents job and decision as to when they get told and how... and what...
To make a long post not any longer, I'll cut to the chase. I really need to make these shorter and I apologize for taking up your precious time. But I appreciate the patience if you stay. Anyway, I thought it would probably be a good idea if I send an e-mail their way to ask if the kids know. Straight out and away. I did and the reply back was "yes and they don't care." At first I felt a wave of relief and seconds later another wave of that's it?! that's all I get? I guess it doesn't matter, what matters is that they know and they say they don't care. Little kids are great, now if they could just stay that way...
9 comments:
Never apologize for sharing what's important to you, no matter the length of the post. I, for one, will always read through to the end. :)
I think you did a wise thing by emailing your brother and sister-in-law to know what they had told or not told the kids. It's great that they know and that it's not a big deal to them. They have a great shot at staying the way they are because of their relationship with you and C. Love and because of the honesty and positive attitude of their parents.
I'm sure you'll all have a great visit.
Thanks Kelly,I just wish I knew what they were told and how it was explained. I worry a little about that-they go to church every Sunday. I'm sure we'll have fun, we always do!
Yeah, that's a good question. Do you feel comfortable asking either your brother or your sister-in-law? How old are the kids?
Yeah Kelly you tell her. R.D girl, you must never say sorry to us, we are here to listen, we'r blog sisters ;-)
Sweetie I had the same sort of experience with my 2 younger cousins who are like my own kids, the older one spent nearly his whole life living with ma and me, he's 16 this year and I adore the bones of him. Anyway enough of the gushing.
The first person in my family I actually told about my sexuality was my older cousin, the mother of the 2 kids I was just yapping about, anyway my biggest fear was what would happen when the kids found out. I remember sitting J (the nearly 16 year old, but he was 13 at the time) on the bed and telling him that fairy and I are together, well the little bugger just turned to me and said "YEAH, I KNEW THAT ALREADY, CAN I GO PLAY ON MY COMPUTER NOW". I couldnt believe his reaction. He adores fairy to bits and spends alot of time with us still. His sister Cassie is 10, she was 7 when I told her and she reacted the same. She comes to stay with us and draws little pictures with "IT DOESNT MATTER IF YOU LOVE A MAN OR A WOMAN, LOVE IS LOVE" I didnt think at that age she would understand, but she does. She loves my blog and is a great follower of you and Kelly (I think she's even commented)
My point is, honesty is best, at least its out in the open, and the kids can see you and C Love (I love that name by the way) as the real you.
Well done girlie
XxX
P.S Fairy and I went to see the guy looking after her visa, he was pleased with the documents we provided and said fairy's case file was one of the best he's ever seen. So I s'pose thats good news then ;-)
Her turn is coming up very soon at the Home Office, so hopefully she'll get back to Turkey for the wedding
XxX
Don't appoligize for long posts, there was a lot that needed to be said. Besides it's your blog, your voice, your forum... no one is forced to read any of it. And I find it insiteful.
All you can do is be yourselves and hope they see through the negative stuff they hear, or I should say probably hear, at church and from the concervative media.
I was so worried about meeting my future sister-in-law and her teenage daughter because they are "christians" and apparently really into their church. As it turns out they are the most supportive of me and BP of almost anyone that we know. My new neice gets very upset that we are not treated the same as all other couples.
My brother had a very hard time when I came out. He was always supportive, but I know it was hard on him. He has been going through this phase I like to call "Mr Conservative". He's trying to be a good role model and help raise a teenage girl, I tink he gets carried away sometimes. Anyway, last summer we were talking about kids, long story short, he offered, almost to the point of insistance, on being the sperm donor if we have kids. I was completely shocked by this, I mean I would never have asked him because I never thought he would even be supportive of us having kids. He has come a long way.
My point is, you just never know.
Sorry for the long comment. I could go on about this for a long time, but I won't.
mad hatter,
Cassie and J sound like wonderful kids! It's a relief knowing for sure that my niece and nephew know about C.Love and I. We are all very attached, have so much fun together and I can't wait to see them!
I know good things will happen for Fairy and yourself. That's great news about the visa! keep us posted.
Zoe,
It's funny because C. Love and I have always said my brother's sperm would be the best because he is the closest to me and there's no way I'm getting pregnant but want the kid to look like a little version of me! But the actual thought of it is a little funky- plus there's no way I could ask and I'm thinking he wouldn't offer in a million years. We have list of friends that gets longer every day offering up their sperm when we're ready. It's kind of a joke, these guys have no idea... we let them dream, it's good for the ego.
Anyway, thanks for sharing and you can always go on and on- I like to read it.
The email was a good thing. Better to set your mind at ease. Not sure if that would be appropriate to ask after the fact... that could get sticky. Anyway... I always enjoy reading your posts and always know that they will be long... I just prepare for a little longer of a stay. Siblings are difficult. I just adore the optimism and open-mindedness of my nieces/nephews. The simplicity of your brother's response would bother me too. Hopefully the "big deal" your brother had (from the beginning) might have been eased through his own children's acceptance... but then I even dislike that idea... the idea of division... the idea that we have to wait for the green light. Like we have to wait to see if we are "picked for the grade school dodge ball team." I feel the explanation would matter greatly (to me). Those are the things that should be shared. To gain a deeper respect for one another. I have often been the black sheep in my family... It amazes me how great opportunities are sometimes discarded.
earth monkey,
thanks for the support and for hanging out. I like things long and slow so I guess some of that comes out in the length of my posts! I always got picked first for dodgeball but then I always chose the one least likely to be picked next because I didn't want them to have to wait... Maybe my brother will talk to me about the details or maybe the kids will talk to me about my details someday. Whatever, it could be worse. Thanks for the thoughts.
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