I was so feeling so angry today, all day long. I couldn't wait to get out of work and leave; leave the day and enter the night. Nothing was wrong within the day, I just woke up feeling the anger. It probably would have helped if I didn't go into work and instead tried to figure out why I was so angry but that's not so easy either so I guess it's just as well. I feel sorry for anyone I came into contact with today, but then again they're used to it. Some days just seem more intense than others. I actually have a lot of anger inside me and I was thinking (after this weekend) that the only time I unleash it is in this blog. I realize I "go off" a lot in this blog and I understand my words may be a little harsh at times but it's a part of me that is real so I refuse to apologize for it. Afunt didn't waste any time telling me I was (in her words) a little prickly in my blog. After meeting her face to face for the first time it was like the second thing she said. It seemed as though it bothered her or something, but anyway it kept me thinking about the subject all weekend long.
I do have some anger stored up in me, what that's all about who knows but I'm thinking besides this blog and going off at work, I need a way to get my anger out. The problem is that I'm not an angry person; I'm a very calm, relaxed, somewhat intense person so doing physical things (besides, you know what... and running) I tend to stray from loud, rough, fast situations. I do love driving fast, that helps. Speeding always helps with the anger management but unfortunately my car these days is so bad off that it doesn't like it when I push it to perform more than it is able- it just won't let me drive with some verve and it's frustrating as hell.
I am definitely more when I write; I'm louder, more vocal, harsher, more judgemental (cus I can't fucking see you all), more brave, and more fearless. But that's normal, right? As my weekend buddies can attest to: in real life I am very relaxed, don't really swear too much, prefer to listen instead of speak, and like it slow and steady. What's the deal?! In my opinion I have the worst kind of anger because it's like always slowing boiling and only overflows every so often. It's similar to something being charged- I'm charged.
Anyway, today sucked, but I feel better already. I went running as soon as I got home, or should I say- sprinting. I ran out of the house like a bat out of hell (whatever that looks like). I picked up a pizza on the way home, sunk into the left over bottle of wine from the weekend and got a "check- in" e-mail from my 'Hotlanta' buddy so I'm all good. Drugs and energy; they do a body and mind good.
I know that anger is usually a mask for fear... hmmm, something to ponder as I drink the rest of this delicious wine.
12 comments:
Yeah, I picked that wine out ;-) I hear ya on the feeling angry - I have days like that all the time. (And, I also have a drum kit in my dining room ;-)Sounds like you know how to take care of yourself in situations like that and that's good! Rock on with the run, pizza and wine!
The important thing is that you recognize it and have an outlet for it.
are you throwing me under the bus??
i, too, have a lot of anger in me. i understand what u are saying. really. ultimately, i think anger is a good thing because it tells me something. (as long as it doesn't go too long and unleashed...then it's just ugly and awful)
I hear you, R.D. Sometimes the anger is so intense that I really need to get it out of my body physically. I pace like a caged lion. I've slammed my hand against too many walls when the pacing didn't help.
It's good that you have blogging as a way to release the anger. We all need to let it out in a safe, productive way.
Hang in there.
I too have intense days at work (usually it starts with blatant ignorance) but wow, everybody look out. I do understand.
Can't go wrong with a run or good wine (I am on a diet so, I can't join you for the pizza).
My point is that everyone has to deal with anger. It's better out than in. I had to learn that. But I try to figure out why so I can deal with the real issue.
Are you into any kind of shoot-em-up computer games? That's how Fran gets her anger and stress out. When she's really ticked a little time playing shoot 'em ups helps quite a bit.
Good choice t2 and thanks again!
Yeah, I know only daughter but I do think I need more outlets.
I am definately not tossing you under that bus afunt, you know that. I hear you on the anger thing- thanks.
I'm thankful I have the blogging thing to kelly, not only for the release of the anger but for other things as well.
Hey storm, my pizza was diet friendly (I think): Spinach, pine nuts, olives,tomatos, garlic, feta and a whole wheat crust. You could have a slice or two, no problem!
Anyway, dealing with the real issue of why the anger is there is the tough part, I know.
No sassy, I've never done any type of shoot-em-up anything. Maybe that's my problem!
Yup. Most anger dissolves into fear when it is analyzed. So,you have lots to think about, yes?
But, you know...you seem to handle it so well. You know what works and what doesn't. You comfort yourself beautifully and are aware of what is happening to you.
Sorry to sound like a therapist; old habits die hard. But...I have always thought that those who could be honest about their anger got much farther than those who hoisted it off on someone else.
Thanks maria, I like to believe I know what's going on within myself but there are definately a lot of times when I have no clue.
the things with emotions is that they are like the weather...they are ever changing..which reminds me of one of my favorite songs by Style Council "My ever changing Mood"...in the mean time keep on runnin...writin..and hangin out bein' cool...ps I think I accidentally declined a comment you left on my blog...try again if you're up to it, and I promise not to decline it ..peace peace
Declined shea? what's up with that! I'm headed over to your place right now- Love the Style Council by the way, thanks for the words.
your pizza is diet friendly. sounds wonderful.
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