safe sex

In t2's last post she brought up a couple of topics, one being whether or not we 'hide' our blogs from our significant others, potentials, or anyone at all; if we don't why and if we do why and if we then consider this an "affair". That's where I'm going to pick it up from. If we DO and we kind of feel like it's an affair... of the safe kind, and then pushing it a little further- at what point do we feel like we are "cheating". How far does it have to go?

In my experience, I have known many people who feel like they are being 'unfaithful' to their significant other by simply speaking aloud their opinions,(or in this case writing their opinions)about what they think, or feel about another person. Example: if they think person 'x' is attractive or not, or if they may feel an "attraction to" a certain individual. Personally, I talk all the time about who I think is hot, attractive etc. around my girlfriend, she does the same and we're fine- we accept it and expect it. Thankfully we are secure enough within ourselves and our relationship that we feel ok sharing our opinions (sexually related) about other people we know or notice. It's no big thing. There are others however who don't feel the same. So just for the record:

I don't consider it "cheating" unless

a- the primary relationship is being put aside

b- there is sex involved (physical)

c- we choose 'the other' instead of our own

And I don't call it an "affair" unless it's

a- completely and totally hidden from our significant other

b- fulfilling something which may be either physically or emotionally sexually related

c- a and b are going on for a very long time- like a year

My question is how much are you comfortable with? How much talk about sex, how far will you go with flirting? how explicit, how honest can you be about your opinions. Where is the line drawn for you? Is "blogging" your way to flirt safely? or be bold without repercussion? or 'talk dirty' because you can't be touched?

Well all I have to say is good job if your answer is YES because then at least you're alive and well. You gotta get it out and before that you gotta get it. I say we all kick it up a notch and for those who are holding back-stop being so 'safe'.

cold fingers and warm heart

Today's run: 30 degrees and cloudy with the wind in my face. I am fully aware that I complain about the weather or lack of warmth too much these days and I apologize for that but I'm warning you it's not going to stop- not yet at least. I understand nobody likes complainers and that I should just either shut up or move my ass to a warmer climate. I get it, believe me. But here goes: today's run sucked because It was fucking cold out! I don't enjoy running against the arctic wind; it's not pleasant or relaxing. That's one thing I hate about the cold, it's not easy to deal with, it's annoying and a pain in the ass. My face was frozen, fingers tingling, ears a bit nippy and my nose always runs when it's cold out. I was thinking that I need that huge red Easy button that Staples advertises - I always just want to make things easier in life.

The other day I walked into work and as usual started to complain about how cold it was outside- like that particular day was any colder than the last-it wasn't. Right after I said "man, it's cold out" a co worker said "I like the cold". What?! this woman is like 90 pounds and very frail but whatever. At that point I was so tired of saying it myself, I just wanted to understand exactly what it was she liked about being cold. At first she said what everyone else in the world says " well I'd rather be cold than hot because you can always get warm by putting more clothes on but you can never cool off by taking clothes off". (I despise that statement, but in the interest of time I won't go into it). I then composed myself and decided to listen to everything she loves about the cold in hopes that I may gain some insight as to how others feel about the subject. after she told me all her ridiculous reasons I said "OK, here's how I think about the cold" and I walked over to her and started to tap her arm, hit her gently and begin to annoy her. Then I said " this is how I feel about the warmth" and I slowly rubbed her arm in a circular motion. "You see, to me, the cold is harsh, rough, annoying and hard and being warm feels soft and gentle, now wouldn't you rather feel that"? . She responded with "well if you put it that way, yeah" Now I don't know if she was somewhat mesmerized by the circular motion or shocked that I was rubbing her so she just said yes out of confusion- or she was really being honest. Whatever.

My point is, and I was thinking about this later in the week while my teeth were chattering, that dealing with being cold for me is simply unpleasant. While I know there are so many people that are unaffected by the cold I was wondering if it's because they are used to dealing with pain and suffering whether it's from their past or in their lives now. So the cold in turn becomes no big thing, it's just something else to deal with. As I said, I'm all over the easy button; having things feel good, soft, gentle and slow are what I'm all about. I've had it literally since day 1. My childhood was blissful and the rest of my life has fortunately been void of any violent, outrageous or harmful acts. I'm just wondering if there's any correlation between a traumatic childhood/life and having a high tolerance for the cold.

Now please don't go responding with comments like "my childhood sucked and I hate being cold" or "I've had a rough life so far and I live in California". I'm not talking about that, I'm merely questioning the possibility that if someone is accustomed to loudness, harshness, and lack of human intimate contact could there be a possibility that these same people (in general, as a whole) can deal with the cold weather more so than say... someone like myself. Someone who prefers the Easy button. Just a thought as I froze on my run today.

holding it in

My faith in humanity is tested pretty much everyday, but when I hear stories like the one that came up a couple of weeks ago I can't help but just stand still and shake my head in disbelief.

There was a woman in California who entered a contest on a radio station because she wanted to win a video game console- sounds harmless right? Wrong. There isn't actually one right thing about this contest. This woman was one in 18 people who attempted to drink as much water as possible without going to the bathroom. The woman died. That's it. Let's just sit with that statement for a minute... "to drink as much water as possible without going to the bathroom"?! All I can say is "What the fuck is up with that"? Who in their right mind would even begin to, or want to think about that particular scenario; and all for a video game console? I don't get it. Not only was the woman out of her mind, and obviously the other 18 people also, to try to attempt this insane feat but what the hell is the radio station doing hosting it? Am I missing something here, I don't understand what the hell this is all about. The woman was 28 and a mother of three. Again, TWENTY EIGHT AND A MOTHER OF THREE. She wasn't 7, she was 28.

Now it appears the family is suing the radio station over her death. I think it's sad that she died, but sadder that she believed she could actually win. I feel sorry for her children, her family and for the disc jockeys who hosted the event. Something is terribly wrong with this picture but the crazy thing is stuff like this happens everyday, 20 times a day all over the world. This particular one just happened to be highlighted probably because it 'sounds' so normal. A woman wanted to win a video game console for her little children so she entered a contest on a local radio station. Wrong move lady, wrong move. Excuse me, I need to pee now...

fvudck,edc up k,eyboazrdc

I need help. I've put a call into my computer guy, but here I sit waiting and trying to figure out what the problem is. Here's a hint:jmy k,eyboazrdc isx azl.l. fvudck,edc upl. Get it? I said, my keyboard is all fucked up! It seems like the middle keys are the problem. Oh wait, it's also other keys- doubl.e l.ettersx azndc sxhitl. FVudck,!!! It'sx tazk,ing jme too l.ong to wriye thisx sxo I'jm gonel.l.l.\

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Anyone have any ideas?! I spilled coffee on it a couple of weeks ago but it's been finel. I don't need this right now... SXhitk, thisx totazl.l.y sxudck,sxl.

destination unknown

You know those Corona commercials where the guy's laying in the hammock and he he just can't reach his beer because his swing is out of sync? I can't seem to get the image out of my head...

Anyone been to The Bahamas? We are in the process of trying to decide where to go for 5 days in March. Maybe it's the Bahamas, or Mexico or The Dominican Republic or California or Florida. I want the trip to be easy and not too costly.

I'll tell you what I don't want and or need while on this excursion:
A family Scene /Kid Friendly
Crowds
Water Sports
Fear of danger if venturing outside the resort or hotel area
"Lagoon" Beaches (I want open sea)
The chance for bad weather
Tourist Attractions

Here's what I'm looking for:
Sun/Sand
Temps in the 80's
Great Food
A Comfortable Bed
Cold Beer
Space
Quiet
Beauty
This is what I'm thinking

Anyone got any suggestions?

are you an athlete?

Last Sunday when we headed out to a premiere party for The L Word, we were handed a copy of episode 2 as soon as we entered the room. Since we cut the connection to our digital cable last year I accepted the DVD. After viewing episode 402, it's all we are going to get of the ladies until it comes out on rental. We watched it on Monday night and that'll probably be it until the finale- when we go to another bar to watch. I actually can't stand watching the show with other people around; I rarely laugh at what they find amusing, tap my feet to what they feel is musical, gasp at the words they find horrifying or clap at a scene they seem to think deserves attention. I also can't get myself to enter anyone else's private living room for a viewing party... the smells, the closeness of people, the strangeness- it's all just too much for me. Plus it freaks me out a little to watch The L Word up close and personal with other people- it's weird. I doesn't really matter because unlike zoe, I am willing to check out any and all previews, clips, articles, and postings on what has happened on each episode and it feels like I've watched it. I don't really care if i hear what's going on before I see it. All I really want to do is see it anyway, so when the DVD comes out on rental I'm perfectly happy.

We don't really watch tons of TV anymore, thankfully we have too many other things going on so we just couldn't justify spending the money on Showtime just to watch a bunch of fake lesbians have sex. Just didn't need it that much. We may have changed our mind and kept the Showtime if the writers didn't bring homely babies, cancer, totally unrealistic situations, 'boyfriends' , "Betty" and death into the mix, but they did. Let me stick with unrealistic situations for a minute. Without giving anything away, episode 402 has quite a few and I'm getting tired of it. People in real life don't have sex like that, as often as that and as simple as that. Do they? And come on now people, you all can't tell me that if after seeing this episode you saw Shane walking down the street you would actually look twice at her because of the attraction thing. Would you? In my opinion Shane has lost it. Period. Whatever she had in season 1 and 2 is gone- bye, bye Shane. (sorry) One more thing: who the hell wears shorts to a teaching assistant interview. No one, right? But the thing that got me started was the "are you an athlete" line. I get asked that exact question all the time - and it's not because I'm wearing sweat pants. But it never turns into that, or even eludes to it that directly... unless I'm just not seeing something, which I highly doubt.

It just sucks because for a brief moment in the history of The L Word, it all seemed so possible: the beautiful people, the cool jobs, the nice little writing hut, the family neighborhood, the lesbian owned coffee shop, (by day, bar by night- my dream) hot sex, excellent background music, good hair cuts, etc. Then something went terribly wrong. Instead of relying on quality, they decided to go with quantity. Gotta appeal to the general public- and men who like to watch lesbians I guess. Go figure.

Enjoy the season, if I were to take a guess I would think it will rank higher than season 3. Without Carmen I have no idea how but what the hell do I know.

they're back!

We are off to watch the ladies. God help us all if this season sucks as bad as last.

We are headed out to a premiere party here, the place is actually more of a gay men's dance club than anything- figures they'd have it there. If I see more gay men tonight that women I'm out of there. As I've mentioned and ranted about before on this blog, Chicago has but one and only one, lesbian bar and the place is a pit, but all I'm saying is, that shouldn't the L Word premiere be in a lesbian bar and not just a gay dance club? Come on now, we don't have much but one thing we don't need more of is the gay men invading our space. Fuck, I'm so tired of it. At least in years past it was at a decent bar that we frequent often. But not this year. The event runs from 5-8 and at 7 the place is advertising 'Men's Latin Cowboy night'- this ought to be interesting to say the least.

Even last summer when we were strolling the streets of Provincetown, a car full of women pulled up to us and yelled out the window " we thought we were the only gay women around here!- nice to see you" At first I was thinking, thanks for actually noticing we were gay, no one ever does, (maybe we were holding hands-I don't remember) then I said to C. Love "damn! what's going on!" (we had already discussed the fact that we had only seen about 5 gay women and 500 gay men. We even stopped into the one mostly lesbian bar for a drink and the guy at the door said it was men's night! It's getting out of control and it only seems like it's getting worse, not better. It was actually better out and about five years ago than it is now.

So tonight begins another season of The L Word. I wish us all luck.

screw resolutions

I've never really been a New Years resolution type of person; I could never look to the future for my here and now. As much as I could barely figure out my day to day progress, looking ahead to a whole year seemed like a pretty big mountain to climb. I always went completely blank in an interview (back in the day) when this question came up: Where to you see yourself in five years. Well, if I can get this fucking job and I like it enough to stay, then here bozo, here! What the hell is that question. But that was then and this is now.


For many years now the New Year has become just that- another year according to my calendar but not necessarily according to my 'life's 'path'. That my friends is why everyone sucks at keeping their resolutions, if it's not meant to be than you can't force it. Why people are convinced they need to all of a sudden set very strict boundaries on themselves or adopt huge life goals just because the calendar says January 1, is beyond me. For some reason it seems like the resolution thing is everywhere this year, I can't escape the insaneness of people thinking they are all of a sudden going to have a body like a professional athlete when they've been eating like crap for most of their lives. The leap is too much. I'm all for setting a vision for yourself of how you want things to be but if you're miserable while you're doing it that vision going to turn into a bad dream very quickly.


A New Year resolution to me is more like a decision, an understanding or a 'knowing' and less of a 'doing'- but that's just me and I definitely don't lead by example but whatever. Sometimes I think I'm way too laid back for my own good. I gave up coffee and alcohol for lent one year. I'm not even Catholic but I took that 30 day or whatever it is, opportunity to eliminate two things that I absolutely love just to see if I could. It was more of a test for my mental state than my body. I did fine, but refused to go anywhere where either one was being served so the test wasn't really accurate. My point is... I don't know what my point is, but I guess what I'm saying is that I admire people who make those lofty goals on January 1 and are able to see massive results by August 1. To me, whether it was January 1 or March 1, they were meant to achieve whatever they did that year and it was just the fact that it was offically the New Year that helped them get started. I like when the New Year is used as like a spring board and not a diving board. One day at a time, that's what I say. It doesn't hurt so much when you come back down.