Well, it's back to regularly scheduled programming. My trip to the Bahamas was not only a vacation in paradise but all I keep thinking was how much of an escape it was- an escape from reality and it's something I'm having a hard time letting go of.
It's strange to completely remove yourself from your regular routine both physically and mentally but environmentally as well. To go from 20 degrees to 80 degrees in a matter of 3 hours is a bit overwhelming for me. And to go from programmed thinking to not having to actually think at all is mind blowing to say the least. The immediacy at which I settled into being in the Bahamas was ridiculous. From the second we walked off the plane and breezed into that tropical air I was immediately transformed. It's so easy for me to adapt to beach mentality and casual island living, it's like I was living as if I was part of The Blue Lagoon in a past life or something. As soon as we dropped the bags in the room , all was well. We ditched the shoes for flip flops, I threw on my bandana and we were out the door for a cocktail on the beach. Totally different in every single way from 5 hours prior. I was in a complete dream state the whole time I was there; it felt like I was present physically, because that warmth literally paralyzed me, but at the same time I felt somewhat removed mentally. I couldn't quite settle into being present which was bugging me but I'm thinking it just may have been way too overwhelming if I did- this is the stuff I think about all the time. Is there a way for the soul to be so alive but the mind completely shut off? I don't know but mine was for sure.
When we returned home I delayed contacting my family and checking my e-mail just to delay the inevitable: life doesn't stop when you go on vacation. It turns out my Dad had fallen down 4 steps in his house and fractured his hip and elbow while I was basking in the Bahama sun. It feels like he is completely falling apart and not only can I not do anything about it but the reality of aging parents has now completely entered this stage of my life. Do I head down to Cape Cod for a weekend to help my mom out? Do I just carry on with my life while my dad struggles to hold on to his? I feel guilt, sadness, anger, frustration and empathy. It's hard to not be able to take care of your parents when they need it when that's all they did for me when I was little. All they did was take care of me and love me. It would be nice to repay, even though I know it's not necessary.
Last week at this time we were getting drunk on the beach with not a care in the world except for the fact that it was our second to last day on the Bahamas. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that back again.
It's strange to completely remove yourself from your regular routine both physically and mentally but environmentally as well. To go from 20 degrees to 80 degrees in a matter of 3 hours is a bit overwhelming for me. And to go from programmed thinking to not having to actually think at all is mind blowing to say the least. The immediacy at which I settled into being in the Bahamas was ridiculous. From the second we walked off the plane and breezed into that tropical air I was immediately transformed. It's so easy for me to adapt to beach mentality and casual island living, it's like I was living as if I was part of The Blue Lagoon in a past life or something. As soon as we dropped the bags in the room , all was well. We ditched the shoes for flip flops, I threw on my bandana and we were out the door for a cocktail on the beach. Totally different in every single way from 5 hours prior. I was in a complete dream state the whole time I was there; it felt like I was present physically, because that warmth literally paralyzed me, but at the same time I felt somewhat removed mentally. I couldn't quite settle into being present which was bugging me but I'm thinking it just may have been way too overwhelming if I did- this is the stuff I think about all the time. Is there a way for the soul to be so alive but the mind completely shut off? I don't know but mine was for sure.
When we returned home I delayed contacting my family and checking my e-mail just to delay the inevitable: life doesn't stop when you go on vacation. It turns out my Dad had fallen down 4 steps in his house and fractured his hip and elbow while I was basking in the Bahama sun. It feels like he is completely falling apart and not only can I not do anything about it but the reality of aging parents has now completely entered this stage of my life. Do I head down to Cape Cod for a weekend to help my mom out? Do I just carry on with my life while my dad struggles to hold on to his? I feel guilt, sadness, anger, frustration and empathy. It's hard to not be able to take care of your parents when they need it when that's all they did for me when I was little. All they did was take care of me and love me. It would be nice to repay, even though I know it's not necessary.
Last week at this time we were getting drunk on the beach with not a care in the world except for the fact that it was our second to last day on the Bahamas. Oh, what I wouldn't give to have that back again.
12 comments:
From my personal experience one of the hardest things in the world is to be thousands of miles away from an ill parent. If you question whether or not to go, and you're thinking that you'd go, but you're hearing the "if onlys" after that, then go if you at all can. Even if it just shows you that all is okay, and they're making it okay, then you'll feel better. If it's not okay, then you can help assess the situation and get some support systems in place.
I'm so sorry about your Dad, R.D. When a parent is ill, it's so hard not to allow it to consume your life. Take some deep breaths, get as much information as you can and hopefully then you'll be able to make a clear decision.
You and your Dad are in my thoughts.
Yeah, I know sassyfemme. I'm going to wait a bit and see how I feel as time goes on. Thanks for the advice but I'm sorry it has to come from experience on your part...
Hey kel,
Just taking one day at a time... and breathing... thanks for the words. All is ok at this moment.
Believe me - I know! Everytime I went on vacation someone ended up landing in the hospital or dying! My family used to make me feel very guilty for going away. Don't let this happen to you!
Aside from that - it sounded wonderful. I am envious!
first- the vacation sounds beautiful...so cool
second- whatever you do concerning your parents- go with what is in your heart-and you won't go wrong.
sending good thoughts.....Peace
Sorry to read about your Da. Hope that he's on the quick path to healthy.
Vacation sounds great. Hope that you get to go on many more!
T2, my family was cool with it, he wasn't so bad when I left. He'll be ok, it just sucks.
Thanks shea, I will definately.
Me too maggie, me too! Thanks.
That's really rough. I can't imagine what it must be like to a)see you're parents start showing signs of aging and b)not be there to help. I watched my mom go through this with her parents not long ago and now my dad is starting to go through this with his mom, and it's very tough. You'll just have to rely on the infomation your getting from your family, and listen to your inner self. You'll know when you really need to go lend a hand.
I'm sorry about your dad. Hope he recovers sooner rather than later and without extraordinary stress and strife.
Near or far..aging, ailing parents are a test of wills and more. You do what you can.
My thoughts and good vibe wishes are with you and yours.
Yeah, it's not pleasant zoe I can tell you that much. Thankfully my mom is still going strong but when either one of them go I fear for how I will react. Thanks for your thoughts, and you're right.
Thank you for your kind words only daughter, they felt warm...
r.d., i am so very sorry to hear about your dad. i hope he recovers, and not just physically.
it does seem that something always slams into us at full force when we have our guard down.
i am very glad you had the chance to let your guard down and relax. yes, life goes on, and being able to stop and breath helps up to be better prepared to keep up.
i will keep you and your dad in my prayers.
You are so right storm, thank you very much.
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